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Answering machine at the Mental Hospital
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<blockquote data-quote="Dreamworks_naveen" data-source="post: 5019795" data-attributes="member: 49393"><p>"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...</p><p> </p><p>If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.</p><p> </p><p>If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.</p><p> </p><p>If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.</p><p> </p><p>If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.</p><p> </p><p>If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.</p><p> </p><p>If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.</p><p> </p><p>If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.</p><p> </p><p>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.</p><p> </p><p>If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.</p><p> </p><p>If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, Social Security number and your mother's maiden name.</p><p> </p><p>If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.</p><p> </p><p>If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.</p><p> </p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p> </p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p> </p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p> </p><p>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</p><p> </p><p>If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dreamworks_naveen, post: 5019795, member: 49393"] "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, Social Security number and your mother's maiden name. If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0. If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you. [/QUOTE]
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