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Sihala Piyasa (Sinhala Literature Forum)
Nisadas saha Kaavya
Even After my Last breath.. || My 2nd Poem ||
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<blockquote data-quote="Nash'" data-source="post: 2803720" data-attributes="member: 10026"><p>malli...waradi hoyanwa newei harida?</p><p>i reeli appreciate ur tru feelns n da braveness to ryt n i gez cmments lyk myn wud only encurage u to ryt mor n mor n not discurage u...rytt?</p><p></p><p>so here goes bro..</p><p>1st f all tz reel sensitive n cute...way to go...</p><p></p><p>evry1 can cmment n da bryt syd nuh..</p><p>so i'l point out sm mistakes k? not big ones...jz lil stf dt u can improve n go on to be a perfect writer... <img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/wink.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>1st machan.. wen u say LOVE u cant put DO.. love goes wit DOES...</p><p>so t shud b LOVE DOES MAKE CHANGES.</p><p></p><p>in da 4th stanza"s last 2 words...OF wrd is missn... coz OF u ... it shud be ryt bro?</p><p></p><p>5th stanza dun make any senz ..duz it bro? luv is awesum but loving u makes it perfect...??</p><p>wt f u say... luv is awesum but luving u mks it amazing or smthn?</p><p>cz da 2 wrds AWESUM n PERFECT dun av a cnnection btween 'em..</p><p>so u cant put a comparission btween 'em..</p><p>try sm wrds dat av comparissions lyk... GUD- PERFECT</p><p>AWESUM-AMAZING n etc</p><p></p><p>and finally bro... u went lyk... "LIKE DIS LIKE DIS" in all line endings but skippd dat pattern in 4th stanza's 3rd line nh? try to keep up wit da pattern... t adds so mch colour to da poem..</p><p></p><p>nywy...am not a big poet or a big critic or nthn... jz wrote dis to appreciate ur try n make u n thnkn dat dis wud help u to perfectize ur rytn nd a future..</p><p></p><p>ALL DA BEST MAN!</p><p>keep it up!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nash', post: 2803720, member: 10026"] malli...waradi hoyanwa newei harida? i reeli appreciate ur tru feelns n da braveness to ryt n i gez cmments lyk myn wud only encurage u to ryt mor n mor n not discurage u...rytt? so here goes bro.. 1st f all tz reel sensitive n cute...way to go... evry1 can cmment n da bryt syd nuh.. so i'l point out sm mistakes k? not big ones...jz lil stf dt u can improve n go on to be a perfect writer... ;) 1st machan.. wen u say LOVE u cant put DO.. love goes wit DOES... so t shud b LOVE DOES MAKE CHANGES. in da 4th stanza"s last 2 words...OF wrd is missn... coz OF u ... it shud be ryt bro? 5th stanza dun make any senz ..duz it bro? luv is awesum but loving u makes it perfect...?? wt f u say... luv is awesum but luving u mks it amazing or smthn? cz da 2 wrds AWESUM n PERFECT dun av a cnnection btween 'em.. so u cant put a comparission btween 'em.. try sm wrds dat av comparissions lyk... GUD- PERFECT AWESUM-AMAZING n etc and finally bro... u went lyk... "LIKE DIS LIKE DIS" in all line endings but skippd dat pattern in 4th stanza's 3rd line nh? try to keep up wit da pattern... t adds so mch colour to da poem.. nywy...am not a big poet or a big critic or nthn... jz wrote dis to appreciate ur try n make u n thnkn dat dis wud help u to perfectize ur rytn nd a future.. ALL DA BEST MAN! keep it up! [/QUOTE]
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Haya warak paha keeyada? (haya wadi kireema paha)
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