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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Ranhiru" data-source="post: 1726415" data-attributes="member: 17748">These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and arethings people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and nowpublished by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm whilethese exchanges were actually taking place.  ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something youforgot? ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you thatmorning? WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!? ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a differentattorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a depositionnotice, which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on deadpeople? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you liketo rephrase that? ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you goto? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing anautopsy on him! ______________________________________  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ______________________________________   --- And the best for last: --- ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for apulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive andpracticing law.<img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /></blockquote>

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