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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Anonymous_Abstract" data-source="post: 25941915" data-attributes="member: 568286">1. Forgive yourself.When a parent dies, guilt can become a burden because of past arguments you now regret or maybe because you think you didn’t do enough to help them.You should realize no parent-child relationship is ever perfect. Disputes, mistakes, and shortcomings occur on both sides and are all in the past. You were still loved even if you were seldom told.By recognizing the past as something that is finished and unchangeable, you can begin to free yourself from guilt and reflect on the good times instead. The good times are what they would want you to remember.3. Keep talking.The sudden reality of not being able to chat to your Mum or Dad again can be hard to accept.For a time after losing Dad, I still chatted to him. I asked what he thought of something, but of course I didn’t expect an answer. It was a way of getting the words out that were already in me to say.Don’t hide from the fact that your parent is gone. Visit the grave, and chat to them in thoughts. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Not only does it keep their memory alive, but it’s also a release for your feelings6. Avoid comparisons.During grief, we can become self-conscious of how we’re perceived by others. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so don’t judge your reaction to loss. You don’t need to look or behave a certain way.A colleague returned to work recently the day after their father’s funeral, which attracted comment, whereas I took several weeks off.Don’t <a href="http://tinybuddha.com/blog/overcoming-approval-addiction-stop-worrying-people-think/" target="_blank">worry about how it looks to others or what they might think</a>. This is your personal journey and yours alone, so never fear judgment. Do what’s right for you.4. Be patient.Missing a parent is natural, and if you were very close, you’ll need time to adjust.Time heals the acuteness of pain, but you may continue to miss your parent. After five years, I still miss Dad very much. Hardly a week goes by that I don’t think of him, but it used to be hardly a day.Don’t wish time away in the hope you can speed up the healing process. Recovery will happen at its own natural pace.5. Accept the new you.As we get older, our opinions and outlook on life can change. The passing of a parent is one of those experiences that will change you. I became more tolerant because life’s trivia was put in context.Worry about missing deadlines, being late for an event, or having a new gadget malfunction. Events that annoy us day to day pale into insignificance.This change is not for the better or worse; it’s simply a change. <a href="http://tinybuddha.com/blog/dealing-with-loss-and-grief-be-good-to-yourself-while-you-heal/" target="_blank">Grief</a> increases awareness that all things change, so prioritize what’s really important.Value and enjoy every waking moment, and let the new you grab each precious day with passion.</blockquote>

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