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Message: <blockquote data-quote="yksunlk" data-source="post: 3880406" data-attributes="member: 122708"><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">Hello! and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following menu options:</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are schiophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696969696969696.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you have low self-esteem, please hang up, our operators are too busy to talk with you.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #008000">If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>

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