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Message: <blockquote data-quote="clubs" data-source="post: 6193408" data-attributes="member: 257428">Actually, reading the entire Qu'ran might be a bad idea, because about 37% of those who've done so are reatrds.  Unfortunately for God, the plan to always have three seats at the Celestial Poker Game backfired. He was continually betting against two players as good as He was, because He was betting against Himselves. Even if He won a hand, He'd still lose, and lose twice--and the version of Himself who won would have to split the winnings with two others. God decided it was time to end the Trinity forever. He came up with a better plan than using the cave-born, supposed-son-of-a-carpenter Jesus who called himself a shepherd. God would find a real shepherd who had no father. At the beginning of the Seventh Century A.D., He found what He wanted: an orphaned Arabic sheep herder named <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Muhammad" target="_blank">Muhammad ibn ‘Abdullāh</a> (also spelled <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Muhammad_Ali" target="_blank">Muhammad Ali</a>). Just as He had convinced Jesus to abandon his job as a carpenter in Nazareth to go into the wilderness, God convinced Muhammad to leave his life as a shepherd in Mecca and retreat to a cave in the surrounding mountains for meditation and reflection. According to Islamic beliefs it was here, at age 40, in the month of Ramadan, where Muhammad received his first revelation. This was delivered by a member of the Angel's team who was sent by "Allah" (God referred to Himself as <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Allah" target="_blank">Allah</a> so He'd sound Arabic). According to the <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Qur%27an" target="_blank">Qur'an</a>, the revelation given by Angel Jibreel (Gabriel) was: "There is no God but Allah. Heed His words, for here they be: You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done."<a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/God#cite_note-6" target="_blank">[7]</a>. <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/File:Woman_walking_in_Afghanistan.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/e/e8/Woman_walking_in_Afghanistan.jpg/100px-Woman_walking_in_Afghanistan.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></a> <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/File:Woman_walking_in_Afghanistan.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://images.wikia.com/common/releases_200912.2/skins/common/images/magnify-clip.png" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></a>Muslim woman sneaking away from the Ramada Inn to try out for the Devils Cheerleading Squad (note the shamefully exposed feet).The cave near Mecca where Muhammad stayed was, according to God's plan, the same one where Jesus was born. This became known as the Ramada Inn and Gambling Casino. This was the first establishment to follow Allah's new rule of "one person, one bet." As one of the Five Pilars of Islam, <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Muslim" target="_blank">Muslims</a> are expected to travel there once in their lifetime. There they ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. They then spend the rest of their time there gambling away their life savings and their souls. But according to the Qur'an, if they lose their souls to Allah, Muslims of either sex will be rewarded in Heaven with a huge mansion, 80,000 servants, and 72 beautiful, willing virgins. Islam quickly became God's most popular religion, and Muhammad God's most successful prophet. Unfortunately for God, Satan intervened. Following the death of Muhammad, he convinced a number of Muslims to "free the souls of the infidels" so God would lose them<a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/God#cite_note-7" target="_blank">[8]</a>. He also reinterpreted Qur'an, so that instead of God's women having full rights, respect and recognition, they had to cover themselves in shame and do whatever men told them<a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/God#cite_note-8" target="_blank">[9]</a>. Satan actually intended to free women's souls and encourage them to escape from God's tyranny, but the plan backfired. Writing in A Jew's Guide to Islam and Other Imitations, Rabbi Dr. Sinister Craven wrote, "Muhammad? He claims he sees God at age 40? Again with the 40 thing. Don't ask me any more about Muhammad and goy gambling. Why can't we play a nice game of Dreidel?" source  <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Muhammad" target="_blank">http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Muhammad</a></blockquote>

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