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Message: <blockquote data-quote="rith" data-source="post: 1756611" data-attributes="member: 21277">After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots marked with a P). And the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a crash event.P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.P: Something loose in cockpit.S: Something tightened in cockpit.P: Dead bugs on windshield.S: Live bugs on back-order.P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute decent.S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.S: Evidence removed.P: DME volume unbelievably loud.S: DME volume set to more believable level.P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.S: That's what they're for.P: IFF inoperative.S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.P: Suspected crack in windshield.S: Suspect you're right.P: Number 3 engine missing.S: Engine found on right wing after brief searchS: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.P: Target radar hums.S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.P: Mouse in cockpit.S: Cat installed.And the best one for last ...P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.S: Took hammer away from midget.   Cheers </blockquote>

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