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Message: <blockquote data-quote="BHPN" data-source="post: 228981" data-attributes="member: 4035">Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."Customer: "Ok."Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"Customer "No." Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."--------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support:" Did you install the update?"Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"--------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."TechSupport:: "Tell me what you've done."Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."!Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."Customer:: "What?"Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"Customer: "No..."--------------------------------------------------------------------Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"TechSupport:: ?!%#$--------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"--------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"Customer:: "A white one."--------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prom pt."Customer:: "How do you spell that?"--------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."--------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"Customer: "Pentium."--------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed anillegal abortion."--------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."--------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: "How do I print my voice mail?"--------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."Tech Support: "What does it say?"Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."Tech Support:: "Well?"Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"--------------------------------------------------------------------A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that this computer is faulty.Tech: What's the problem?User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.Tech: You'll need a new power supply.User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the probl em! All I need is for you to tell me the command.10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell ourCustomers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.User: I knew it!Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of theCONFIG.SYS. Letme know how it goes.10 minutes later.User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?User: MS-DOS 6.22.Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.1 hour later.User: I need a new power supply.Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told h im about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.Tech: Then what did he say?User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.</blockquote>

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