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wadi welawak foreplay karapan (blowjob...etc)
marry a nympho 
how to spot a nympho
Step One: Listen and Observe
Listen as I am approached by numerous guys who, much to my disappointment, come up to me and pretty much say "How are you doing?"
edit So that's it. All they say is "How are you doing?" How the hell is this supposed to help me?
You're missing the point. They don't just say "How are you doing." They slur it and make into one word like "Haayadoin." That's it. That's all you have to say. Just try it out. If a nympho is interested, she will answer back and you'll be on your way.
Your face is saying you're a skeptical lad. Just think, I might have sex with you out of pity if it doesn't work.
edit OK, I'll give it a try!
That's a good boy...
edit Step Two: Try and Apply
The next time you see a good looking nymphomaniac sitting by herself at a bar, sit down beside her. When she turns to look at you, smile and say, "Haayadoin?"
To your amazement, she will most likely respond in kind, smiling at you. See how easy the hook was set? The conversation was started and you reeled her in with such ease!
edit Wow, all these years of trying to think of some clever approach, and that's all it took!
Yes, but I digress... And you still need to know how to spot one, remember? Unfortunately nymphos are very rare and it is very hard to detect one at first sight, but there are scientifically proven and statistically confirmed indicators that can assist you on your quest to conquer a nympho.
An actual portrait of a real-life Nymphomaniac!
edit Natural Appearance And Characteristics
The nympho is rather unobtrusive and of average looks, but definitely not ugly. Nobody would guess from her looks that she was given this fantastic, and breathtaking gift. That is also why there are almost no nymphos to be found in television and cinema... Well, that and the fact that they are always too busy. Your attention on the dancefloor should always especially be drawn to any particularly attractive, slim, animated female, surrounded by a group of admirers and obviously the life of the party. Certainly not someone who was approachable by the likes of you before today, especially since you had not yet learned the magical Nymphomaniac greeting phrase.
HowTo
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos edit Natural Occurence
Nymphos do not show off how many sexual partners or/and sex they have had. They would never even understand the idea of being a nympho. Women who tell you they are nymphos are usually only pretending and in fact, hugely disappointing. They are usually finished after only the third orgasm (a real nymphomaniac will be ready for at least seven unless you are hideously ugly) and fall asleep. A natural nympho is ready all the time, anywhere and anyway. As your gaze wanders around the floor, look for a female at the opposite end of the greek alphabet who might actually be approachable, and suddenly there might be an alpha female right in front of you, actually saying something TO YOU! You may want to look around to see if it was you she was really talking to or just talking through you at some alpha male standing behind you. When you realize she is talking to you, just stupidly say, "What?" Maybe she will ask you to dance. Whatever you do, don't crack any jokes that run through your silly brain. If you can, manage to say "Sure," or "You bet."
edit Step Three: Sealing the Deal
This should really be a no-brainer. At the end of the evening, ask if you can give her a ride home. Call her 'Chickie' if you don't know her real name. (It's Pat!) If she is really a nymphomaniac, her girlfriend drove and she is probably telling you that you are going to take her home. If you get to know her, you might learn that it is really just her modus operandi not to drive, so that if she meets a guy, she can be free to leave with him.[1] She probably lives not very far from the bar, on a fairly busy street. If parked in front of her house, wondering if you should chance an attempt at a goodnight kiss, she may very well just start kissing you and rubbing herself up against you, saying things like:
"Please do me a favor and make me cum.[2]"
Or, the ever popular:
"I have to have an orgasm every night or I can't sleep."
Know a little about Zodiac Signs. Works like a charm, every time.
Theoretically with nymphos you have nothing but sex. Good long damn good sex. You feel like you are in a porno movie. In any event, you must quickly comply and slip your hand under her skirt and inside her panties, which should already be soaked from anticipation. If you can give her a moaning, thrashing orgasm, she will most likely give you her phone number, leaving you in a state of aroused shock.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/HowTo:Pick_Up_a_Nymphomaniac
how to spot a nympho
Step One: Listen and Observe
Listen as I am approached by numerous guys who, much to my disappointment, come up to me and pretty much say "How are you doing?"
edit So that's it. All they say is "How are you doing?" How the hell is this supposed to help me?
You're missing the point. They don't just say "How are you doing." They slur it and make into one word like "Haayadoin." That's it. That's all you have to say. Just try it out. If a nympho is interested, she will answer back and you'll be on your way.
Your face is saying you're a skeptical lad. Just think, I might have sex with you out of pity if it doesn't work.
edit OK, I'll give it a try!
That's a good boy...
edit Step Two: Try and Apply
The next time you see a good looking nymphomaniac sitting by herself at a bar, sit down beside her. When she turns to look at you, smile and say, "Haayadoin?"
To your amazement, she will most likely respond in kind, smiling at you. See how easy the hook was set? The conversation was started and you reeled her in with such ease!
edit Wow, all these years of trying to think of some clever approach, and that's all it took!
Yes, but I digress... And you still need to know how to spot one, remember? Unfortunately nymphos are very rare and it is very hard to detect one at first sight, but there are scientifically proven and statistically confirmed indicators that can assist you on your quest to conquer a nympho.
An actual portrait of a real-life Nymphomaniac!
edit Natural Appearance And Characteristics
The nympho is rather unobtrusive and of average looks, but definitely not ugly. Nobody would guess from her looks that she was given this fantastic, and breathtaking gift. That is also why there are almost no nymphos to be found in television and cinema... Well, that and the fact that they are always too busy. Your attention on the dancefloor should always especially be drawn to any particularly attractive, slim, animated female, surrounded by a group of admirers and obviously the life of the party. Certainly not someone who was approachable by the likes of you before today, especially since you had not yet learned the magical Nymphomaniac greeting phrase.
HowTo This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos edit Natural Occurence
Nymphos do not show off how many sexual partners or/and sex they have had. They would never even understand the idea of being a nympho. Women who tell you they are nymphos are usually only pretending and in fact, hugely disappointing. They are usually finished after only the third orgasm (a real nymphomaniac will be ready for at least seven unless you are hideously ugly) and fall asleep. A natural nympho is ready all the time, anywhere and anyway. As your gaze wanders around the floor, look for a female at the opposite end of the greek alphabet who might actually be approachable, and suddenly there might be an alpha female right in front of you, actually saying something TO YOU! You may want to look around to see if it was you she was really talking to or just talking through you at some alpha male standing behind you. When you realize she is talking to you, just stupidly say, "What?" Maybe she will ask you to dance. Whatever you do, don't crack any jokes that run through your silly brain. If you can, manage to say "Sure," or "You bet."
edit Step Three: Sealing the Deal
This should really be a no-brainer. At the end of the evening, ask if you can give her a ride home. Call her 'Chickie' if you don't know her real name. (It's Pat!) If she is really a nymphomaniac, her girlfriend drove and she is probably telling you that you are going to take her home. If you get to know her, you might learn that it is really just her modus operandi not to drive, so that if she meets a guy, she can be free to leave with him.[1] She probably lives not very far from the bar, on a fairly busy street. If parked in front of her house, wondering if you should chance an attempt at a goodnight kiss, she may very well just start kissing you and rubbing herself up against you, saying things like:
"Please do me a favor and make me cum.[2]"
Or, the ever popular:
"I have to have an orgasm every night or I can't sleep."
Know a little about Zodiac Signs. Works like a charm, every time.
Theoretically with nymphos you have nothing but sex. Good long damn good sex. You feel like you are in a porno movie. In any event, you must quickly comply and slip your hand under her skirt and inside her panties, which should already be soaked from anticipation. If you can give her a moaning, thrashing orgasm, she will most likely give you her phone number, leaving you in a state of aroused shock.
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/HowTo:Pick_Up_a_Nymphomaniac
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