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Message: <blockquote data-quote="DJ.Parker" data-source="post: 645495" data-attributes="member: 1924">> >> >> >FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three> >kids in tow and asked Loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and> >a blow job?"  I turned around and walked back out and never went back.> >My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.> >> >> >> >SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of> >golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.  After> >browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the> >good-looking gentlemen who worked at the store.  He asked if he could> >help me.  Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like> >playing with men's balls".> >> >> >> >THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store> >that sold a variety of candy and nuts.  As we were looking at the> >display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.  I> >replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."  My sister started to> >laugh hysterically.  The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked> >away.  To this day,my sister has never let me forget.> >> >> >> >FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler> >decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.  I was finally able> >to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from> >other patrons.  I told her that if she did not start behaving "right> >now" she would be punished.  To my horror, she looked me in the eye and> >said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now,> >I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"> >The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.  Even the> >tellers stopped what they were doing.  I mustered up the last of my> >dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.  The last> >thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.> >> >> >> >FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many> >times?> >> >> >> >My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I> >was on him constantly.  One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick> >lunch, in between errands.  It was very busy, with a full dining room.> >While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I> >checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.  Then I realized> >that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.  I asked him if he> >needed to go, and he said "No".  I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child> >has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."  Then I> >said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"> >> >> >> >"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because> >the smell was getting worse.  Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did> >you have an accident?  This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,> >bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"> >While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he> >calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.  An old couple made me feel> >better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!> >> >> >> >LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan> >laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,> >in the future, likely think Before she speaks.> >> >> >> >What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!  We had a female> >news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and> >didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:> >> >> >> >"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"> >> >> >> >Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they> >were laughing so hard!> >> >> >> >Now, didn't that feel good?  Pass it on to someone you know who needs a> >laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean.> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> ></blockquote>

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