22 Reasons Australians Secretly Hate Cricket
Cricket. A sport with its roots so deeply embedded into the culture of this country. One that has hundreds of thousands of Aussies gather at stadiums and around TV sets to watch it. Yet, somehow, no one has the balls to openly admit that they actually hate it.
Oh yes, there are MILLIONS of Aussies who hate cricket. For the plain and simple reason that it's the most boring sport on the face of the planet. And I am one of them.
I love to hate cricket. It’s actually fun to dislike it, because it’s so easy, and because so many people like it for seemingly no reason other than “its bloody Australian”.
Here is a list of things to help remind you why Cricket is, in fact, the worst, and most nonsensical sport in the world (and yes, I know sports like extreme ironing and cheese-wheel rolling exist).
This takes the number one spot on this list. It doesn’t make sense - WHY HAVE FIELDERS at all?? When you look at a game of cricket on a field, it looks like 9 people standing around, watching 4 people have all the fun. Fielding is the laziest thing any sport has invented, in the history of sport.
"Bloody hell! The ball's gone too far for me to run and get it. Mate! Can you chuck the ball back? Thanks, mate! And can you stay there in case it happens again? Cheers, buddy! Good team work!"
I'm just saying, in tennis, the ball-boys don't think they're playing tennis.
Yes the most obvious reason why cricket sucks. It’s boring to watch, it’s boring to play. This isn't as boring as watching grass grow. This IS watching grass grow.
Having said that, it makes for a remarkable cure for insomnia.
Half of any televised cricket match is footage of seagulls on the field; which is only great for people who are fans of cricket and avid bird-watchers.
Which is clearly a large market. As they even make the players dress like seagulls, all in white and walking back and forth.
Here's a genius idea! Let's wait for when our part of the world is the hottest, then we all go out and stand in the blazing sun and make everyone watching us also sit in blistering heat.
But not for any short period of time, FOR HOURS AND HOURS! DAYS even.
Then if a slight breeze springs up grab a vest. A VEST. Because the litres of perspiration from before would otherwise freeze.
Cricket is the Days of Your Lives version of sport. It is dragged out over episodes that last for days.
You could have a snooze in the middle and wake up to find nothing has happened. Including if you're one of the fielders.
So are most other sports. But you REALLY notice it in cricket because the thing that repeats over and over again is the absolute absence of anything exciting.
One day match. 20-20. The Ashes. The KFC something 104-day match. How many different ways are there to be bored by cricket? No other sport has as this many versions because they are perfectly interesting sports that don't need different ways to play it.
The match lasts for such a long time, everyone needs to take a 40 minute break from the game for lunch and a toilet break!
What other sport does this?? You could PLAY several other sports in the time they pause to munch on cucumber sandwiches.
Cyclists have to pee their pants while they’re in action. Why? ‘Cos there's no rest for the wicked in sport! And if your sport makes cycling look hard ... just sayin.
As if tea-time wasn't enough to shake off those micro-sleeps during the game. Have you ever noticed the fielders signing autographs DURING a match? Yeah. I don’t blame them, either.
Has anyone checked if they're scribbling frantic pleas for rescue on those kids miniature bats?
I'm 100% certain that I'm not the only one who scorns Channel Nine for being the most boring channel on TV. (What do you mean they have an “entertainment department”?) More than half of their summer broadcast is cricket! WHY?!
SOLUTION: Turn the TV off. Make love to your woman / man / seagull.
Ugh. Who decided on 6? Why not make it 5. Or 10. Why try and be difficult, cricket? You’re that loser at school who didn’t have any friends because you made up your own language and insisted on speaking it all the time.
The only thing worse than actual cricket.
This is a thing. A real thing. Yes, a real real thing.
This is the sport they play in accountants' heaven.
These are the only 4 skills you need to play cricket.
Although if you weren't good at standing you could probably sit and you'd be fine, too.
Despite there being only a finite number of things you can do in cricket, there are an ENTIRE 42 laws that govern the game!
And they’re called LAWS! Bahahahaha … laws. Ha!
…is that you don't talk about cricket! Well, it should be anyway. Instead people talk about cricket for hours. Unless they're at the game, in which case they talk about ANYTHING ELSE to distract them from the boredom.
The second law is actually allows the batsman to have a runner. WOO! Sports: 1 - Fitness: 0.
Stats. Yep. Tables and graphs and diagrams of things no one actually looks at (unless you’re the calculator cricket-playing weirdo from before).
Even the score is shown like a fraction.
Never really understood this one. Is ball sweat particularly good for the cricket ball? Can I google this for myself to find the answer? Yes. Will I? Noooope. Does my work firewall allow googling strangers crotches? NO!
I think they do, but where are they? Ah! I know. Not as many girls play cricket because they’re smarter than men and know it’s not worth their time, given all the reasons outlined above!
Probably the only job more boring than being an accountant. Except for that one umpire guy… you know, that "quirky" one.
The one who's quirky because he, like, has facial expressions.
No, when you rate a smiling umpire as quirky, your sport isn't boring at alllllll.
No. The only thing that is un-Australian is telling people they’re un-Australian.
…several times. Writing about cricket is just as boring as cricket. But, not as bad as calculator cricket.
Here’s how to play calculator cricket, by the way… go nuts! Put yourselves to sleep!
Cricket. A sport with its roots so deeply embedded into the culture of this country. One that has hundreds of thousands of Aussies gather at stadiums and around TV sets to watch it. Yet, somehow, no one has the balls to openly admit that they actually hate it.
Oh yes, there are MILLIONS of Aussies who hate cricket. For the plain and simple reason that it's the most boring sport on the face of the planet. And I am one of them.
I love to hate cricket. It’s actually fun to dislike it, because it’s so easy, and because so many people like it for seemingly no reason other than “its bloody Australian”.
Here is a list of things to help remind you why Cricket is, in fact, the worst, and most nonsensical sport in the world (and yes, I know sports like extreme ironing and cheese-wheel rolling exist).
This takes the number one spot on this list. It doesn’t make sense - WHY HAVE FIELDERS at all?? When you look at a game of cricket on a field, it looks like 9 people standing around, watching 4 people have all the fun. Fielding is the laziest thing any sport has invented, in the history of sport.
"Bloody hell! The ball's gone too far for me to run and get it. Mate! Can you chuck the ball back? Thanks, mate! And can you stay there in case it happens again? Cheers, buddy! Good team work!"
I'm just saying, in tennis, the ball-boys don't think they're playing tennis.
Yes the most obvious reason why cricket sucks. It’s boring to watch, it’s boring to play. This isn't as boring as watching grass grow. This IS watching grass grow.
Having said that, it makes for a remarkable cure for insomnia.
Half of any televised cricket match is footage of seagulls on the field; which is only great for people who are fans of cricket and avid bird-watchers.
Which is clearly a large market. As they even make the players dress like seagulls, all in white and walking back and forth.
Here's a genius idea! Let's wait for when our part of the world is the hottest, then we all go out and stand in the blazing sun and make everyone watching us also sit in blistering heat.
But not for any short period of time, FOR HOURS AND HOURS! DAYS even.
Then if a slight breeze springs up grab a vest. A VEST. Because the litres of perspiration from before would otherwise freeze.
Cricket is the Days of Your Lives version of sport. It is dragged out over episodes that last for days.
You could have a snooze in the middle and wake up to find nothing has happened. Including if you're one of the fielders.
So are most other sports. But you REALLY notice it in cricket because the thing that repeats over and over again is the absolute absence of anything exciting.
One day match. 20-20. The Ashes. The KFC something 104-day match. How many different ways are there to be bored by cricket? No other sport has as this many versions because they are perfectly interesting sports that don't need different ways to play it.
The match lasts for such a long time, everyone needs to take a 40 minute break from the game for lunch and a toilet break!
What other sport does this?? You could PLAY several other sports in the time they pause to munch on cucumber sandwiches.
Cyclists have to pee their pants while they’re in action. Why? ‘Cos there's no rest for the wicked in sport! And if your sport makes cycling look hard ... just sayin.
As if tea-time wasn't enough to shake off those micro-sleeps during the game. Have you ever noticed the fielders signing autographs DURING a match? Yeah. I don’t blame them, either.
Has anyone checked if they're scribbling frantic pleas for rescue on those kids miniature bats?
I'm 100% certain that I'm not the only one who scorns Channel Nine for being the most boring channel on TV. (What do you mean they have an “entertainment department”?) More than half of their summer broadcast is cricket! WHY?!
SOLUTION: Turn the TV off. Make love to your woman / man / seagull.
Ugh. Who decided on 6? Why not make it 5. Or 10. Why try and be difficult, cricket? You’re that loser at school who didn’t have any friends because you made up your own language and insisted on speaking it all the time.
The only thing worse than actual cricket.
This is a thing. A real thing. Yes, a real real thing.
This is the sport they play in accountants' heaven.
These are the only 4 skills you need to play cricket.
Although if you weren't good at standing you could probably sit and you'd be fine, too.
Despite there being only a finite number of things you can do in cricket, there are an ENTIRE 42 laws that govern the game!
And they’re called LAWS! Bahahahaha … laws. Ha!
…is that you don't talk about cricket! Well, it should be anyway. Instead people talk about cricket for hours. Unless they're at the game, in which case they talk about ANYTHING ELSE to distract them from the boredom.
The second law is actually allows the batsman to have a runner. WOO! Sports: 1 - Fitness: 0.
Stats. Yep. Tables and graphs and diagrams of things no one actually looks at (unless you’re the calculator cricket-playing weirdo from before).
Even the score is shown like a fraction.
Never really understood this one. Is ball sweat particularly good for the cricket ball? Can I google this for myself to find the answer? Yes. Will I? Noooope. Does my work firewall allow googling strangers crotches? NO!
I think they do, but where are they? Ah! I know. Not as many girls play cricket because they’re smarter than men and know it’s not worth their time, given all the reasons outlined above!
Probably the only job more boring than being an accountant. Except for that one umpire guy… you know, that "quirky" one.
The one who's quirky because he, like, has facial expressions.
No, when you rate a smiling umpire as quirky, your sport isn't boring at alllllll.
No. The only thing that is un-Australian is telling people they’re un-Australian.
…several times. Writing about cricket is just as boring as cricket. But, not as bad as calculator cricket.
Here’s how to play calculator cricket, by the way… go nuts! Put yourselves to sleep!
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its a boring sport
