I dunno why there is this hatred for blodes, but the stuff are funny...so thought to share it over EK...hope machans will understand ALL of them.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
a) Tell her there's a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
or
b) Tell her there's a mirror at the bottom of the tub
Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted
Q: What is it called when a blonde dies her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence
Q: What do you call 100 blondes sitting in a circle?
A dope ring
Q: What do you have when you stand 100 blondes next to each other, shoulder to shoulder?
A wind tunnel
Q: How does a blonde clean her house?
She hires a maid
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
Alone.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: hy do Blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out all the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
"Thanks, guys... So, are you all on the same team?"
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11 ?
She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
Because they can understand them.
Q: What do you get when you find a blonde skeleton in a closet?
Last year's Hide and Go Seek champion!
A group of blondes were driving to Disneyland. They saw the sign that said "Disneyland LEFT", and turned around and went home!
A blonde and a brunette were walking through a park. The brunette said, "Oh look at the poor dead bird." The blonde looked up and said, "Where??"
Q: Whats the difference between a Computer and a blonde ?
A Blonde would never accept a 3½ inch floppy.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde are walking down a street and see a $100 bill, Who picks it up ? .......... The dumb blonde, as the other 3 don't exist.
Q: Two blondes walking in the woods come across some tracks, One blonde says that they are deer tracks the other says they are wolf tracks, in the meantime a train came along and ran them down
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
A: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her christmas tree lights are on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off.
A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
a) Tell her there's a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
or
b) Tell her there's a mirror at the bottom of the tub
Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted
Q: What is it called when a blonde dies her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence
Q: What do you call 100 blondes sitting in a circle?
A dope ring
Q: What do you have when you stand 100 blondes next to each other, shoulder to shoulder?
A wind tunnel
Q: How does a blonde clean her house?
She hires a maid
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
Alone.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: hy do Blondes wear earmuffs?
To avoid the draft.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out all the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
"Thanks, guys... So, are you all on the same team?"
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11 ?
She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
Because they can understand them.
Q: What do you get when you find a blonde skeleton in a closet?
Last year's Hide and Go Seek champion!
A group of blondes were driving to Disneyland. They saw the sign that said "Disneyland LEFT", and turned around and went home!
A blonde and a brunette were walking through a park. The brunette said, "Oh look at the poor dead bird." The blonde looked up and said, "Where??"
Q: Whats the difference between a Computer and a blonde ?
A Blonde would never accept a 3½ inch floppy.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blonde are walking down a street and see a $100 bill, Who picks it up ? .......... The dumb blonde, as the other 3 don't exist.
Q: Two blondes walking in the woods come across some tracks, One blonde says that they are deer tracks the other says they are wolf tracks, in the meantime a train came along and ran them down
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
A: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her christmas tree lights are on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"?
Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off.
A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
