Damned Forever (poem)

[truth4L]

hey guyz...
this is my first poem on EK..
i am just an amateur...
so there cud be many many mistakes...
every honest criticization is accepted...
if u think this suckz...say so...
so that i can improve..

 

[twisted]

not bad for the first attempt mate there are a few errors but you will shape up as you write more. so keep writing. and after you've written it do read itout loud to yourself so you will know where its lost the flow.

end of first stanza and the begining of the second, at the first one you imply that light never still have come in even though you've asked to and at the begining of the other stanza light has come in? what does that mean. and the first line of the poem..still wonder in my dreams..you don't wonder in your dreams the dream just flow before you. lines like that you have to be careful with...don't use such sentences just cos you think they sound cool.

last two stanzas are alright not perfect yet better than the first two i guess.

just be aware of the connection between lines and stanzas. i see lots of potential in this poem man just take my word for it and keep writing. and pls do read lots and lots of poems.

this comment is not to discourage you and im not an ex pert either. just a friendly word of advice.

 

[mawella]

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[truth4L]

not bad for the first attempt mate there are a few errors but you will shape up as you write more. so keep writing. and after you've written it do read itout loud to yourself so you will know where its lost the flow.

end of first stanza and the begining of the second, at the first one you imply that light never still have come in even though you've asked to and at the begining of the other stanza light has come in? what does that mean. and the first line of the poem..still wonder in my dreams..you don't wonder in your dreams the dream just flow before you. lines like that you have to be careful with...don't use such sentences just cos you think they sound cool.

last two stanzas are alright not perfect yet better than the first two i guess.

just be aware of the connection between lines and stanzas. i see lots of potential in this poem man just take my word for it and keep writing. and pls do read lots and lots of poems.

this comment is not to discourage you and im not an ex pert either. just a friendly word of advice.

thanx a lot aiya....
thanx for pointin out those huge mistakes in this poem....
and yes i wil keep on writing...

 

[Inshaffadhil]

hey guyz...
this is my first poem on EK..
i am just an amateur...
so there cud be many many mistakes...
every honest criticization is accepted...
if u think this suckz...say so...
so that i can improve..

naraka na

 

[truth4L]

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

thanx bro for readin...
any advices..??

 

[truth4L]

naraka na

thank u for readin this bro...
any mistakes u saw..?? advices..??

 

[twisted]

thanx a lot aiya....
thanx for pointin out those huge mistakes in this poem....
and yes i wil keep on writing...

just read as much english poetry as you can find. me too took a break from writing, thinking to read more. still couldn't start doing that though.

 

[truth4L]

just read as much english poetry as you can find. me too took a break from writing, thinking to read more. still couldn't start doing that though.

i du read whenever i can bro...bt these days i'm a bit busy wit ma project...
and to tell u the truth ur blog inspired me..

 

[twisted]

i du read whenever i can bro...bt these days i'm a bit busy wit ma project...
and to tell u the truth ur blog inspired me..

lol i posted one of those poems on a poetry workshop and got bashed ruthlessly. and i did recognized my errors. so now im kind of willing to work on those yet im too lazy to start.

thank you lots but my poems kind of suck

 

[||~R_girl~||]

ohhhhh a lil poet cmin up in EK! lol

not bad at alll!!!
its great!!!
bit of Emo n Goth both mixd in it!!!!! soudnzzzz great!!!!!!
soo simple n sweeeet!

make d nxt poem a bit more rhyming though!!
u r gonna b perfct aftr sm tymzz, beliv me! dnt stop frm here

 

[twisted]

ohhhhh a lil poet cmin up in EK! lol

not bad at alll!!!
its great!!!
bit of Emo n Goth both mixd in it!!!!! soudnzzzz great!!!!!!
soo simple n sweeeet!

make d nxt poem a bit more rhyming though!!
u r gonna b perfct aftr sm tymzz, beliv me! dnt stop frm here

lol bro don't think of rhyming yet. i had nobody to give me this advise so stick to writing natural lines. think of rhymes when you are good at that.

 

[||~R_girl~||]

lol bro don't think of rhyming yet. i had nobody to give me this advise so stick to writing natural lines. think of rhymes when you are good at that.

uhhhhh okay d expert speakz! well if u so say!!!!!!
hu cares!!!!!!!

 

[truth4L]

lol i posted one of those poems on a poetry workshop and got bashed ruthlessly. and i did recognized my errors. so now im kind of willing to work on those yet im too lazy to start.

thank you lots but my poems kind of suck

ar u kiddin me...???
ur poems are great bro....
y on earth ar u sayin ur poems suck..??

 

[truth4L]

ohhhhh a lil poet cmin up in EK! lol

not bad at alll!!!
its great!!!
bit of Emo n Goth both mixd in it!!!!! soudnzzzz great!!!!!!
soo simple n sweeeet!

make d nxt poem a bit more rhyming though!!
u r gonna b perfct aftr sm tymzz, beliv me! dnt stop frm here

hey thanx r...
and yeah..i wont stop..

 

[twisted]

uhhhhh okay d expert speakz! well if u so say!!!!!!
hu cares!!!!!!!

lol zombo that was An honest piece of advice.

 

[||~R_girl~||]

lol zombo that was An honest piece of advice.

ok dumbo!

 

[twisted]

ar u kiddin me...???
ur poems are great bro....
y on earth ar u sayin ur poems suck..??

I don't know and honestly i don't know much who are content with their work .
i really liked your dark, gothic-like imaginary lol that's a path i have much interest in.

 

[twisted]

ok dumbo!

zombo

 

[truth4L]

I don't know and honestly i don't know much who are content with their work .
i really liked your dark, gothic-like imaginary lol that's a path i have much interest in.

yeah me too luv all dat dark stuff....
lol dunno y..