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Message: <blockquote data-quote="twisted" data-source="post: 5027828" data-attributes="member: 82108">not bad for the first attempt mate there are a few errors but you will shape up as you write more. so keep writing. and after you've written it do read itout loud to yourself so you will know where its lost the flow. end of first stanza and the begining of the second, at the first one you imply that light never still have come in even though you've asked to and at the begining of the other stanza light has come in? what does that mean. and the first line of the poem..still wonder in my dreams..you don't wonder in your dreams the dream just flow before you. lines like that you have to be careful with...don't use such sentences just cos you think they sound cool.last two stanzas are alright not perfect yet better than the first two i guess.just be aware of the connection between lines and stanzas. i see lots of potential in this poem man just take my word for it and keep writing. and pls do read lots and lots of poems.this comment is not to discourage you and im not an ex pert either. just a friendly word of advice.</blockquote>

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