BELOVED OSHO,
MY PARENTS HAVE SHOWN ME MANY GIRLS FOR THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE. BUT DURING THE FIRST MEETING, IF I MENTION YOUR NAME THERE IS NO QUESTION OF MEETING AGAIN, AS IF I AM UNFIT AND CRAZY TO ALL OF THEM -- INCLUDING MY PARENTS WHO ARE FANATIC, ORTHODOX TYPES.
I THINK THAT FOR MY WHOLE LIFE I AM GOING TO MISS SHARING MY TOTAL LOVE AND BLISSFULNESS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX, WITH ONE WHO HAS THE SAME STATE AND SPACE OF AWARENESS AND CONSCIOUSNESS WHICH YOUR WORDS SO BEAUTIFULLY DESCRIBE.
YOU HAVE SO RIGHTLY SAID THAT LIFE, LOVE AND DEATH HAPPEN; SO CAN YOU INDICATE HOW TO MAKE LOVE HAPPEN IN THIS LIFE?
It is so simple. Just avoid your parents!
What business do these fellows have in your marriage?
It is strange in the first place that you allow them to stand between you and the girl, and to decide. They bring the girl to show to you -- do you belong to this century or to some ancient, golden age?
Then it was right, because children were married. Now a six year old boy cannot go by himself to find a girl. He has to be brought forcibly, because he wants to go somewhere else! He has so many other things to do -- what nonsense this marriage is to a six year old boy.
My mother has said to me that she was seven years old when she was married. Now the whole house and the whole village was receiving the marriage party outside, and she was tied to a pillar inside the house. Because she was insisting: she could not understand that everybody was allowed to see the show, only she was not allowed. This is strange! And moreover, they all said, "This is your marriage." "If this is my marriage, then I must be there. Everybody else is there, only I am tied to this pole!"
You should be contemporary. Just tell your parents, "What are you doing? You have never loved; you don't know what love is. How are you going to choose a girl who is going to be my beloved? What criteria have you got? You were married by your parents, they were married by their parents...."
Love has not existed in the East at all.
We have destroyed love and replaced it with a false, plastic thing -- marriage. But it is time.
And you are not a small boy, a small girl, that the parents have to decide. So in the first place, put your parents right: "You do your job: fight with mom. And I am going to Chowpati to find a girl."
What nonsense are you talking about? -- "Am I going to live without a woman in my life." Search for your girl yourself. This is the beginning of seeking! Unfortunately, you are going to find, so don't be worried. It is very rare, very fortunate people like me who manage not to succeed, who go on failing. But you will not fail.
And what is the need of bringing my name in when you are looking for a girl? That is certainly dangerous. You can bring my name in when you are married -- then it is something great. So whenever you want a good fight you can bring my name in. But as far as the beginning is concerned, even if the girl brings up my name you pretend as if you don't know anything about me; she may bring it up, you simply ignore it. No girl on Chowpati.... Juhu is different: here, if you don't know my name no girl is going to look at you! Just mention my name and that's enough, you have said "I love you," -- and then other things will follow.
Just be a little alert about with whom you are talking. If you see it is a girl who looks like a sannyasin... and no sannyasin can hide.
The Indian government has informed all the embassies that no sannyasins should be given entry into India, so sannyasins are going there without the mala, without orange clothes, but somehow they are caught. Now letters have started reaching me: "What is the matter? Those people immediately start asking questions about you. They say there is something in sannyasins that makes them different -- they look more stable, more centered; more integrated, more together; more graceful,
unafraid of the world."
So if you see that somebody is a sannyasin you can drop my name and it will be of great help, but if you see that somebody is not a sannyasin then avoid my name. Wait a little. You are a sannyasin; you know what waiting means. First just let the marriage be registered; then, going out of the registry office you can mention my name -- and you can tell the whole thing, because from there begins the story of your tragedy.
But you seem to miss it very much, and you must have a taste of it. That is your birthright, and in fact it is absolutely necessary. Unless you go through the tragedy of marriage, you will never understand the freedom of sannyas.
So I don't say don't get married.
I say get married as quickly as possible. Finish with that experiment quickly and become a sannyasin.
And with marriage I may be able to make two sannyasins -- because both have suffered. It is not only you that has suffered.
First put your parents right, that "It is none of your business. Now I am going to search -- first on Chowpati. If I fail on Chowpati I am going to Juhu." Here you will not fail, so before you enter Juhu think twice!
Why torture yourself..
