> This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman from Baan ,
> Netherlands
>
>
> Driving in Sri Lanka
> ============
>
> For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Sri Lanka
> and daring to drive on SL roads, I am offering a few hints for
> survival. They are applicable to every place in SL except in the North ,
> where life
> outside a vehicle is only marginally safer..
>
> Sri Lankan road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma
> where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance
> company.
>
> The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the
> road? The answer is 'both'. Basically you start on the left of
> the road, unless
> it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is
> also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap,
> as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the
> direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much
> misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but
> just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
> Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a
> belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better
> position.
>
> Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants
> to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped
> in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross
> only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop
> because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to
> wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
>
> Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries.
> We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare
> lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the
> middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove
> compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while
> awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the
> rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground
> drainage.
>
> Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking
> coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is
> an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These
> pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the
> Almighty, often meeting with success.
>
> Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi / Tuck-tuck): The result of a collision
> between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle
> works on an external
> combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and
> creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas
> cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at
> an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations,
> children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until
> some children in the periphery are not in contact with the
> vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the
> microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other
> vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the
> peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn
> Newton 's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers
> follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are
> licensed to irritate.
>
> Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise
> like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol
> and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are
> too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the
> middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier
> vehicles instead of around them and are often 'mopped' off the
> tarmac.
>
> Leaning Tower of Passes : Most bus passengers are given free
> passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are
> passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the
> railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws
> of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get
> paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no
> questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width
> of three passengers.
>
>
> One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add
> jest in their otherwise drab lives.. Don't stick to the literal
> meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it
> means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive
> as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
>
> Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.
> Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by
> providing a 'speed breaker'; two for each house. This mound,
> incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that
> residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the
> corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for
> year-end accounting.
>
> Night driving on Sri Lankan roads can be an exhilarating
> experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In
> a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not
> know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature
> dawn on the horizon turns out to be
> a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull
> partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon
> passes.
>
> Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not
> blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in
> the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack
> (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral
> functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are
> the James Bonds of Sri Lanka , and are licensed to kill.
>
> Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six
> feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck
> approaching you With a single light on, usually the left one. It
> could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.
> You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs
> at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more
> visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And
> you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat).
>
> Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to
> the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is
> definitely not to Be construed as a signal for a left turn. The
> waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day.
>
> If, after all this, you still want to drive in Sri Lanka , have
> your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone
> home and – The citizen is Then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF
> SPEED' enshrined in the constitution.
>
>
all the credit goes to the original author > source e-mail
its perfectly written and amazingly hilarious..so thought of sharing with eLaKirIaNs
> Netherlands
>
>
> Driving in Sri Lanka
> ============
>
> For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Sri Lanka
> and daring to drive on SL roads, I am offering a few hints for
> survival. They are applicable to every place in SL except in the North ,
> where life
> outside a vehicle is only marginally safer..
>
> Sri Lankan road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma
> where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance
> company.
>
> The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the
> road? The answer is 'both'. Basically you start on the left of
> the road, unless
> it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is
> also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap,
> as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the
> direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much
> misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but
> just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
> Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a
> belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better
> position.
>
> Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants
> to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped
> in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross
> only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop
> because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to
> wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
>
> Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries.
> We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare
> lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the
> middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove
> compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while
> awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the
> rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground
> drainage.
>
> Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking
> coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is
> an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These
> pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the
> Almighty, often meeting with success.
>
> Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi / Tuck-tuck): The result of a collision
> between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle
> works on an external
> combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and
> creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas
> cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at
> an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations,
> children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until
> some children in the periphery are not in contact with the
> vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the
> microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other
> vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the
> peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn
> Newton 's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers
> follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are
> licensed to irritate.
>
> Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise
> like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol
> and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are
> too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the
> middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier
> vehicles instead of around them and are often 'mopped' off the
> tarmac.
>
> Leaning Tower of Passes : Most bus passengers are given free
> passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are
> passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the
> railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws
> of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get
> paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no
> questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width
> of three passengers.
>
>
> One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add
> jest in their otherwise drab lives.. Don't stick to the literal
> meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it
> means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive
> as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
>
> Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.
> Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by
> providing a 'speed breaker'; two for each house. This mound,
> incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that
> residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the
> corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for
> year-end accounting.
>
> Night driving on Sri Lankan roads can be an exhilarating
> experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In
> a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not
> know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature
> dawn on the horizon turns out to be
> a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull
> partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon
> passes.
>
> Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not
> blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in
> the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack
> (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral
> functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are
> the James Bonds of Sri Lanka , and are licensed to kill.
>
> Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six
> feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck
> approaching you With a single light on, usually the left one. It
> could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.
> You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs
> at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more
> visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And
> you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat).
>
> Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to
> the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is
> definitely not to Be construed as a signal for a left turn. The
> waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day.
>
> If, after all this, you still want to drive in Sri Lanka , have
> your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone
> home and – The citizen is Then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF
> SPEED' enshrined in the constitution.
>
>
all the credit goes to the original author > source e-mail
its perfectly written and amazingly hilarious..so thought of sharing with eLaKirIaNs
