Driving In Sri Lanka

mayadmax

Well-known member
  • Apr 24, 2007
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    > This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman from Baan ,
    > Netherlands
    >
    >
    > Driving in Sri Lanka
    > ============
    >
    > For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Sri Lanka
    > and daring to drive on SL roads, I am offering a few hints for
    > survival. They are applicable to every place in SL except in the North ,
    > where life
    > outside a vehicle is only marginally safer..:rolleyes:
    >
    > Sri Lankan road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma
    > where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance
    > company.:rofl::P
    >
    > The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the
    > road? The answer is 'both'. Basically you start on the left of
    > the road, unless
    > it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is
    > also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap,
    > as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the
    > direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much
    > misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but
    > just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.
    > Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a
    > belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better
    > position.:no:
    >
    > Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants
    > to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped
    > in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross
    > only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop
    > because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to
    > wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.:lol:
    >
    > Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries.
    > We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare
    > lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the
    > middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove
    > compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while
    > awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the
    > rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground
    > drainage.
    >
    > Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking
    > coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is
    > an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These
    > pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the
    > Almighty, often meeting with success.:yes:
    >
    > Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi / Tuck-tuck): The result of a collision
    > between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle
    > works on an external:nerd:
    > combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and
    > creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas
    > cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at
    > an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations,
    > children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until
    > some children in the periphery are not in contact with the
    > vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the
    > microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other
    > vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the
    > peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn
    > Newton 's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers
    > follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are
    > licensed to irritate.
    >
    > Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise
    > like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol
    > and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are
    > too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the
    > middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier
    > vehicles instead of around them and are often 'mopped' off the
    > tarmac.
    >
    > Leaning Tower of Passes : Most bus passengers are given free
    > passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are
    > passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the
    > railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws
    > of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get
    > paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no
    > questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width
    > of three passengers.
    >
    >
    > One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add
    > jest in their otherwise drab lives.. Don't stick to the literal
    > meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it
    > means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive
    > as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
    >
    > Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.
    > Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by
    > providing a 'speed breaker'; two for each house. This mound,
    > incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that
    > residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the
    > corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for
    > year-end accounting.
    >
    > Night driving on Sri Lankan roads can be an exhilarating
    > experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In
    > a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not
    > know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature
    > dawn on the horizon turns out to be
    > a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull
    > partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon
    > passes.
    >
    > Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not
    > blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in
    > the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack
    > (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral
    > functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are
    > the James Bonds of Sri Lanka , and are licensed to kill.
    >
    > Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six
    > feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck
    > approaching you With a single light on, usually the left one. It
    > could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.
    > You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs
    > at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more
    > visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And
    > you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat).
    >
    > Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to
    > the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is
    > definitely not to Be construed as a signal for a left turn. The
    > waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day.
    >
    > If, after all this, you still want to drive in Sri Lanka , have
    > your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone
    > home and – The citizen is Then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF
    > SPEED' enshrined in the constitution.
    >:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    >


    all the credit goes to the original author > source e-mail

    its perfectly written and amazingly hilarious..so thought of sharing with eLaKirIaNs
     

    ~v3n0m~

    Member
    Aug 28, 2008
    6,783
    99
    0
    some of these stuffs are not true. but i kinda like the way things are described.

    i find it almost impossible to consume alcohol and drive in colombo roads without getting caught. And we do not even have a permitted alcohol limit (license to drink and drive).

    you have to follow one way road instructions carefully or you will be stopped immediately.

    driving with faulty head lamps is almost impossible now.

    etc