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Message: <blockquote data-quote="mayadmax" data-source="post: 12081609" data-attributes="member: 28432">> This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman from Baan ,> Netherlands>>> Driving in Sri Lanka> ============>> For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Sri Lanka> and daring to drive on SL roads, I am offering a few hints for> survival. They are applicable to every place in SL except in the North ,> where life> outside a vehicle is only marginally safer..<img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/rolleyes.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rolleyes:" title="Rolleyes    :rolleyes:" data-shortname=":rolleyes:" />>> Sri Lankan road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma> where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance> company.<img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/rofl.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="ROFL    :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/P.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":P" title=":P    :P" data-shortname=":P" />>> The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the> road? The answer is 'both'. Basically you start on the left of> the road, unless> it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is> also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap,> as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the> direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much> misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but> just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.> Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a> belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better> position.<img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/no.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":no:" title="No    :no:" data-shortname=":no:" />>> Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants> to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped> in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross> only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop> because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to> wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.<img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" />>> Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries.> We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare> lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the> middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove> compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while> awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the> rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground> drainage.>> Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking> coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is> an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These> pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the> Almighty, often meeting with success.<img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/yes.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":yes:" title="Yes    :yes:" data-shortname=":yes:" />>> Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi / Tuck-tuck): The result of a collision> between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle> works on an external<img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/nerd.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":nerd:" title="Nerd    :nerd:" data-shortname=":nerd:" />> combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and> creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas> cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at> an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations,> children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until> some children in the periphery are not in contact with the> vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the> microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other> vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the> peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn> Newton 's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers> follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are> licensed to irritate.>> Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise> like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol> and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are> too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the> middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier> vehicles instead of around them and are often 'mopped' off the> tarmac.>> Leaning Tower of Passes : Most bus passengers are given free> passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are> passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the> railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws> of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get> paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no> questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width> of three passengers.>>> One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add> jest in their otherwise drab lives.. Don't stick to the literal> meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it> means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive> as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.>> Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.> Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by> providing a 'speed breaker'; two for each house. This mound,> incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that> residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the> corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for> year-end accounting.>> Night driving on Sri Lankan roads can be an exhilarating> experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In> a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not> know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature> dawn on the horizon turns out to be> a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull> partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon> passes.>> Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not> blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in> the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack> (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral> functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are> the James Bonds of Sri Lanka , and are licensed to kill.>> Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six> feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck> approaching you With a single light on, usually the left one. It> could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.> You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs> at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more> visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And> you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat).>> Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to> the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is> definitely not to Be construed as a signal for a left turn. The> waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day.>> If, after all this, you still want to drive in Sri Lanka , have> your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone> home and – The citizen is Then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF> SPEED' enshrined in the constitution.><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" /><img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/lol.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":lol:" title="LOL    :lol:" data-shortname=":lol:" />> all the credit goes to the original author > source e-mail its perfectly written and amazingly hilarious..so thought of sharing with eLaKirIaNs</blockquote>

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