Finally Scintitts agree that the Earth is 6,800 years old

Matti PuuSa

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curtasy Uncuclopedia.org . http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/His_word_writ_large

Russia

If God created His Earth for the benefit of true-believing Americans, then what of our traditional enemy? He could not have made the outline of Russia clearer. It is that ancient symbol of pagan belief, the goat.


But why should Russia represent an animal more associated with the mythology of ancient Greece? I believe that this represents the stubborn refusal of the Russian people to worship God in the way He has commanded. For hundreds of years, Russians have venerated icons beneath Islamic-looking domes, in cathedrals full of unholy incense and candles. This was not what God wanted and yet He allowed these errant people to expand from their European base across a whole continent at the expense of their muslim neighbours. Still they did not praise Him correctly.
Even the immortal must sometimes run short of patience. He punished these sinners by inflicting communism on them. And for 70 years they stubbornly refused to accept His existence at all. How apt then, this goat. Since then they have overthrown Bolshevism but, ignoring God's will, they have returned to the very practises for which he first condemned them!
How has God dealt with this slap in the face? It is well known that Russia's population has collapsed since 1990, its death-rate soaring while its birth-rate has declined. This could so easily have been foreseen. The Goat is one of God's most fecund creatures and yet look what has happened to the virile member of Russia's goat. If we trace the line of the Ural mountains from the south we clearly see that it has been cut off and now floats freely in the Arctic Ocean as the island of Novayazemlya. Russia has been emasculated by its faithlessness.


Of course, Mark Chapter 9 says
"If thy hand offend thee, cut it off."
And, in this case, God has shown that those who offend Him shall be yet more cruelly punished.
Australia



What is God telling us by shaping Australia as a dog?
In Matthew 7, He says:
"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine."
Suggesting that Australians have been ungrateful for the blessings He has bestowed on them in the past.
Let us consider Australia's history. For thousands of years, God was unknown in Australia and its native "people" lived in ignorance and squalor, failing to build anything of substance. When the British and Dutch arrived in Australia, they found no cities, no highways, no shopping malls. It was clear that God had not blessed these benighted souls.
However, thanks to the introduction of distilled alcohol, infectious disease and a progressive bounty paid for Aboriginal skulls, God soon cleared the land for Christian souls. Within a generation the "White Australia" policy made this spiritual desert bloom. But in the 1970's liberal-minded atheists opened the continent to unbelievers from Asia in the mistaken belief that this "equality" reflects the natural order.
Since then, God has switched off the life-giving rains which nourish the dry heart of this continent, punishing His people for their mistakes. The dog is the lowliest of mammals, eating its own vomit and snuffling among the feces of others. With its broken ear, God shows us that Australians had only to continue to listen to his word to prosper. He has dried up Lake Eyre to reflect their unwillingness to see how they are offending Him, causing their many sheep to die of thirst to symbolise the death of belief among His flock.
No wonder God has infested this most ungrateful of nations with the wildest of dogs - the baby-eating dingo.
The future