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ElaKiri Talk!
Finally Scintitts agree that the Earth is 6,800 years old
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<blockquote data-quote="Matti PuuSa" data-source="post: 7588686" data-attributes="member: 254988"><p><strong>curtasy Uncuclopedia.org .</strong> <a href="http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/His_word_writ_large" target="_blank">http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/His_word_writ_large</a></p><p> </p><p><strong>Russia</strong></p><p></p><p>If God created His <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Earth" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Earth</span></a> for the benefit of true-believing Americans, then what of our traditional enemy? He could not have made the outline of <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Russia" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Russia</span></a> clearer. It is that ancient symbol of pagan belief, the <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Goat" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">goat</span></a>. </p><p><a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/File:Redgoat.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100504094544/uncyclopedia/images/e/eb/Redgoat.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></a></p><p></p><p>But why should Russia represent an <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Animal" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">animal</span></a> more associated with the mythology of ancient <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Greece" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Greece</span></a>? I believe that this represents the stubborn refusal of the <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Commies" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Russian people</span></a> to worship God in the way He has commanded. For hundreds of years, Russians have venerated icons beneath Islamic-looking domes, in cathedrals full of unholy incense and candles. This was not what God wanted and yet He allowed these errant people to expand from their European base across a whole continent at the expense of their muslim neighbours. Still they did not praise Him correctly. </p><p>Even the immortal must sometimes run short of patience. He punished these sinners by inflicting communism on them. And for 70 years they stubbornly refused to accept His existence at all. How apt then, this goat. Since then they have overthrown Bolshevism but, ignoring God's will, they have returned to the <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Eastern_Orthodox" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">very practises for which he first condemned them</span></a>! </p><p>How has God dealt with this slap in the face? It is well known that Russia's population has collapsed since 1990, its <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Death" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">death</span></a>-rate soaring while its birth-rate has declined. This could so easily have been foreseen. The Goat is one of God's most fecund creatures and yet look what has happened to the <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Penis" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">virile member</span></a> of Russia's goat. If we trace the line of the Ural mountains from the south we clearly see that it has been cut off and now floats freely in the Arctic Ocean as the island of Novayazemlya. Russia has been emasculated by its faithlessness. </p><p><a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/File:Novayazemlya.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100504154651/uncyclopedia/images/1/18/Novayazemlya.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></a></p><p></p><p>Of course, <em>Mark</em> Chapter 9 says </p><p><em>"If thy hand offend thee, cut it off."</em> </p><p>And, in this case, God has shown that those who offend Him shall be yet more cruelly punished. </p><p><strong>Australia</strong></p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/File:Dog3a.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100504082854/uncyclopedia/images/7/70/Dog3a.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></a></p><p></p><p>What is God telling us by shaping <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Australia" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Australia</span></a> as a <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Dog" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">dog</span></a>? </p><p>In Matthew 7, He says: </p><p><em>"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine."</em> </p><p>Suggesting that Australians have been ungrateful for the blessings He has bestowed on them in the past. </p><p>Let us consider Australia's history. For thousands of years, God was unknown in Australia and its native <em>"people"</em> lived in ignorance and squalor, failing to build anything of substance. When the <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/British" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">British</span></a> and <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Dutch" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Dutch</span></a> arrived in Australia, they found no cities, no highways, no shopping malls. It was clear that God had not blessed these benighted souls. </p><p>However, thanks to the introduction of distilled <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Alcohol" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">alcohol</span></a>, infectious disease and a progressive bounty paid for Aboriginal skulls, God soon cleared the land for <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Christian" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Christian</span></a> souls. Within a generation the <em>"White Australia"</em> policy made this spiritual desert bloom. But in the 1970's <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Liberal" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">liberal</span></a>-minded atheists opened the continent to unbelievers from <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Asia" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">Asia</span></a> in the mistaken belief that this <em>"equality"</em> reflects the natural order. </p><p>Since then, God has switched off the life-giving rains which nourish the dry heart of this continent, punishing His people for their mistakes. The dog is the lowliest of mammals, eating its own vomit and snuffling among the feces of others. With its broken ear, God shows us that Australians had only to continue to listen to his word to prosper. He has dried up Lake Eyre to reflect their unwillingness to see how they are offending Him, causing their many <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Sheep" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">sheep</span></a> to die of thirst to symbolise the death of belief among His flock. </p><p>No wonder God has infested this most ungrateful of nations with the wildest of dogs - the baby-eating <a href="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Dingo" target="_blank"><span style="color: #002bb8">dingo</span></a>. </p><p><strong>The future</strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Matti PuuSa, post: 7588686, member: 254988"] [B]curtasy Uncuclopedia.org .[/B] [URL]http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/His_word_writ_large[/URL] [B]Russia[/B] If God created His [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Earth"][COLOR=#002bb8]Earth[/COLOR][/URL] for the benefit of true-believing Americans, then what of our traditional enemy? He could not have made the outline of [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Russia"][COLOR=#002bb8]Russia[/COLOR][/URL] clearer. It is that ancient symbol of pagan belief, the [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Goat"][COLOR=#002bb8]goat[/COLOR][/URL]. [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/File:Redgoat.jpg"][IMG]http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100504094544/uncyclopedia/images/e/eb/Redgoat.jpg[/IMG][/URL] But why should Russia represent an [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Animal"][COLOR=#002bb8]animal[/COLOR][/URL] more associated with the mythology of ancient [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Greece"][COLOR=#002bb8]Greece[/COLOR][/URL]? I believe that this represents the stubborn refusal of the [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Commies"][COLOR=#002bb8]Russian people[/COLOR][/URL] to worship God in the way He has commanded. For hundreds of years, Russians have venerated icons beneath Islamic-looking domes, in cathedrals full of unholy incense and candles. This was not what God wanted and yet He allowed these errant people to expand from their European base across a whole continent at the expense of their muslim neighbours. Still they did not praise Him correctly. Even the immortal must sometimes run short of patience. He punished these sinners by inflicting communism on them. And for 70 years they stubbornly refused to accept His existence at all. How apt then, this goat. Since then they have overthrown Bolshevism but, ignoring God's will, they have returned to the [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Eastern_Orthodox"][COLOR=#002bb8]very practises for which he first condemned them[/COLOR][/URL]! How has God dealt with this slap in the face? It is well known that Russia's population has collapsed since 1990, its [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Death"][COLOR=#002bb8]death[/COLOR][/URL]-rate soaring while its birth-rate has declined. This could so easily have been foreseen. The Goat is one of God's most fecund creatures and yet look what has happened to the [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Penis"][COLOR=#002bb8]virile member[/COLOR][/URL] of Russia's goat. If we trace the line of the Ural mountains from the south we clearly see that it has been cut off and now floats freely in the Arctic Ocean as the island of Novayazemlya. Russia has been emasculated by its faithlessness. [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/File:Novayazemlya.jpg"][IMG]http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100504154651/uncyclopedia/images/1/18/Novayazemlya.jpg[/IMG][/URL] Of course, [I]Mark[/I] Chapter 9 says [I]"If thy hand offend thee, cut it off."[/I] And, in this case, God has shown that those who offend Him shall be yet more cruelly punished. [B]Australia[/B] [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/File:Dog3a.jpg"][IMG]http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100504082854/uncyclopedia/images/7/70/Dog3a.jpg[/IMG][/URL] What is God telling us by shaping [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Australia"][COLOR=#002bb8]Australia[/COLOR][/URL] as a [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Dog"][COLOR=#002bb8]dog[/COLOR][/URL]? In Matthew 7, He says: [I]"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine."[/I] Suggesting that Australians have been ungrateful for the blessings He has bestowed on them in the past. Let us consider Australia's history. For thousands of years, God was unknown in Australia and its native [I]"people"[/I] lived in ignorance and squalor, failing to build anything of substance. When the [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/British"][COLOR=#002bb8]British[/COLOR][/URL] and [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Dutch"][COLOR=#002bb8]Dutch[/COLOR][/URL] arrived in Australia, they found no cities, no highways, no shopping malls. It was clear that God had not blessed these benighted souls. However, thanks to the introduction of distilled [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Alcohol"][COLOR=#002bb8]alcohol[/COLOR][/URL], infectious disease and a progressive bounty paid for Aboriginal skulls, God soon cleared the land for [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Christian"][COLOR=#002bb8]Christian[/COLOR][/URL] souls. Within a generation the [I]"White Australia"[/I] policy made this spiritual desert bloom. But in the 1970's [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Liberal"][COLOR=#002bb8]liberal[/COLOR][/URL]-minded atheists opened the continent to unbelievers from [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Asia"][COLOR=#002bb8]Asia[/COLOR][/URL] in the mistaken belief that this [I]"equality"[/I] reflects the natural order. Since then, God has switched off the life-giving rains which nourish the dry heart of this continent, punishing His people for their mistakes. The dog is the lowliest of mammals, eating its own vomit and snuffling among the feces of others. With its broken ear, God shows us that Australians had only to continue to listen to his word to prosper. He has dried up Lake Eyre to reflect their unwillingness to see how they are offending Him, causing their many [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Sheep"][COLOR=#002bb8]sheep[/COLOR][/URL] to die of thirst to symbolise the death of belief among His flock. No wonder God has infested this most ungrateful of nations with the wildest of dogs - the baby-eating [URL="http://www.elakiri.com/wiki/Dingo"][COLOR=#002bb8]dingo[/COLOR][/URL]. [B]The future[/B] [/QUOTE]
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