Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail," as a necessary
> part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be
> like,
> if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the
> following:
> Thank you for calling Heaven.
> For English, Press 1, for Spanish, Press 2,
> For all other languages, press "O".
> Please select one of the following options:
> Press 1 for Requests
> Press 2 for Thanksgiving
> Press 3 for Complaints
> Press 4 for all other inquires
> I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy
> helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important
> to
> us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay
> on
> the line.
> If you would like to speak to:
> God the Father, Press 1
> Jesus, Press 2
> God the Holy Spirit, Press 3
> If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm
> while you are holding,
> press 4.
> To find a loved one that has been assigned to
> Heaven, press 5, then enter
> his or her social security number, followed by the
> "pound" sign. (If you receive a negative response please hang up and
>
> try area code: 666.)
> For reservations at Heaven, please enter
> J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6.
> For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs,
> the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark
> is,
> please wait until you arrive.
> Our Computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang
> up
> and try again tomorrow.
> The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious
>
> holiday.
> Please pray again on Monday, after 9:30 a.m.
> If you are calling after hours and need emergency
> assistance, please contact your local Pastor
> part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be
> like,
> if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the
> following:
> Thank you for calling Heaven.
> For English, Press 1, for Spanish, Press 2,
> For all other languages, press "O".
> Please select one of the following options:
> Press 1 for Requests
> Press 2 for Thanksgiving
> Press 3 for Complaints
> Press 4 for all other inquires
> I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy
> helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important
> to
> us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay
> on
> the line.
> If you would like to speak to:
> God the Father, Press 1
> Jesus, Press 2
> God the Holy Spirit, Press 3
> If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm
> while you are holding,
> press 4.
> To find a loved one that has been assigned to
> Heaven, press 5, then enter
> his or her social security number, followed by the
> "pound" sign. (If you receive a negative response please hang up and
>
> try area code: 666.)
> For reservations at Heaven, please enter
> J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6.
> For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs,
> the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark
> is,
> please wait until you arrive.
> Our Computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang
> up
> and try again tomorrow.
> The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious
>
> holiday.
> Please pray again on Monday, after 9:30 a.m.
> If you are calling after hours and need emergency
> assistance, please contact your local Pastor
