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Message: <blockquote data-quote="WhiteWalker" data-source="post: 22389994" data-attributes="member: 548558">1: Saying "um" is the human equivalent to buffering.2: Let's take a moment to appreciate that Mother Nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges.3: Most of my clothes have been to countries that I have not.4: The reason "cheaters never win" is because the cheaters who did win didn't get caught.5: We rescue homeless animals and shun homeless people.6: “Go to bed; you’ll feel better in the morning,” is the human version of, “Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?”7: The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.-They could escape and enter the sea instead of being cooked and eaten.8: Trying to get rich by playing the lottery is like trying to commit suicide by flying on commercial airlines.-Both involve trying to achieve the most improbable outcome.9: If you would mount garbage trucks with cameras, you could weekly update Google Maps Street View.10: I have forgotten what I have forgotten.11: Saying “www” takes longer than saying “World Wide Web.”12: If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the earth briefly becomes a sandwich.13: The two worst sentences you can get are life and death.14: Mars is populated entirely by robots.15: There is one day every year on which we unknowingly pass the anniversary of the day the dinosaurs were wiped out by an asteroid.16: Computer labs should flicker their lights every now and then to remind students to save their work.17: My right elbow has never been touched by my right hand.18: If I throw around large amounts of shredded bread on public property, my proximity to ducks determines whether or not I'm littering.19: Humans have a 16-hour battery life.20: When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN. The remaining letters, not used, are DEN-MARK.Edit(1)21: Surgery is stabbing someone to life.22: Think about how lucky we are that blinking our eyes doesn't make a noise.23: When someone in your neighbourhood is having a BBQ, it must be the same feeling when sharks smell blood in the water24: I admire animals that eat grass, their food is also their bed... I want to sleep on pancakes25: There shouldn't be a stigma about going to the movies alone. The activity where you can't talk to someone should be the one you can do alone.26: In school, eating lunch alone is considered lame. In a busy office, eating lunch alone and undisturbed is considered a luxury.27:Every paper towel commercial reminds me that the cleanest solution is to just not have children.Edit(2)2. “Maybe ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?’ isn’t a show that displays how stupid grown adults can be, but rather, a show that depicts how much useless information we teach grade schoolers that won’t be retained or applicable later in life.” (පුංචි පහේ මං <img src="/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/default/D.gif"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":D" title="Big grin    :D" data-shortname=":D" />)8. “On April Fools Day, Brazzers [Porn Production Company] should make a video where a hot male plumber goes to a sorority house and fixes the toilet and leaves normally.”9. “When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.”10. “The Google self-driving car should have an “I’m Feeling Lucky” button that drives you to a random location.”11. “As a dishwasher, I come home after hours of work in which I get covered in filth, and I take a shower only to realize…I am the final dish.”12. “What are snails even trying to do?”13. “Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.”14. “Instead of all the prequel and sequel movies coming out, they should start making equels – films shot in the same time period as the original film, but from an entirely different perspective.”15. “Thanks to the Internet, I have probably seen more naked ladies than all of my ancestors combined.”17. “If Obama was the president of Kenya, he would be their first white president.”18. “Apple has ‘air.’ Amazon has ‘fire.’ Google has ‘earth.’ I think Microsoft should create something called ‘water.'”20. “The iconic Alien is to us what we are to apes: small, pale, big headed, and with unfathomable technology. We even abduct them for medical experiments.”23. “Being attracted to your own flacid penis would be the worst fetish ever.”24. “I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works.”25. “I didn’t exist in your world until you started reading this sentence of mine.”26. “We should have a holiday called Space Day, where lights are to be shut off for at least an hour at night to reduce light pollution, so we can see the galaxy.”27. “The word ‘Fat’ just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word ‘Eat’.”31. “For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home when you were sleeping or drunk. Then we got rid of the horse.”36. “Me not being able to watch “The Interview” is the first real time I’ve ever directly been affected by North Korea.”37. “If you’re no longer covered by your parent’s health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty is over.”38. “I should ask my barber where he gets his hair cut, then go there and slowly make my way up the chain until I find THE GREATEST BARBER IN THE WORLD…or perhaps just a bald dude.”39. “What if every country has ninjas, but we only know about the Japanese ones because they’re rubbish?”40. “If you would mount garbage trucks with camera’s you could weekly update google maps street view.”41. “Gorillas don’t know any bodybuilding techniques so we have probably never seen one at full potential.”42. “I wonder what my dog named me?”44. “When a pregnant woman swims, she is a human submarine.”45. “During childhood, we are told that jokes about the genital areas are adult content, but once we become adults, these jokes are considered ‘childish’.”46. “Centaurs have two rib cages.”47. “Most teenagers pull their phones out of their pockets to check the time. We are reverting to the era of pocket watches.”48. “Seeing as how both Batman and Ironman’s only real super powers are that they are super rich and very smart, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs sure turned out to be disappointments.”49. “If I touch my phone in the right places, a pizza will show up at my front door.”50. “Adblock should buy out signs around time square and replace them with ‘This ad has been blocked by Adblock’.”edit(3)The brain named itself.Your age is the number of times you orbited the sun.Your internal organs will never see the light.There are pornstars born in 1999.The oldest person in the world was born with a completely different set of humans.Every game of chess starts and ends with a checkmate, because the king can't move any spaces.The order of a pack of shuffled cards has probably never been seen before in the history of the universe.The same water that the dinosaurs used is the one you are showering in right now.At one time in your life, you will be the next person to die.If you are a married man, your female spouse would most likely outlive you.You've never seen your face before, only in reflections and the mirror.You will never ever know what it is like to be a man if you're a woman or vice versa.Somewhere in the world, every single celebrity or famous person is somewhere doing something right now.You could possibly be driving with the same cars every day if you commute to work at the same time.“Do Not Touch” is a useless phrase in Braille.Earth is the only planet that doesn't have an ancient name.</blockquote>

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