1. NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one
warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was'nt wearing anything!As
I was reeling from the shock,I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat,"Mom!That lady isn't wearing
a seatbelt!"
2. HONESTY
My son Zachary,4,came screaming out of the
bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the
toilet.So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage.Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush.He held it up and said with a charming
little smile,"We better throw this one out too then,
cause it fell i n the toilet a few days ago."
3. OPINIONS
On the first day of school,a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother.The note
read,"The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
4. KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup
out of the jar.During her struggle the phone rang so
she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone."It's the minister,Mommy,"the child said.
Then she added,"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now.She's hitting the bottle."
5. MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room.When he was
spotted,the room burst into shrieks,with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover.The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked,"What's the
matter,haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
6. POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school,I was interrupted by a little girl
about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform,she
asked,"Are you a cop?"
"Yes,"I answered and continued writing the
report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should
ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes,that's right," I told her.
"Well,then," she said as she extended her foot
toward me,"would you please tie my shoe?"
7.POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment,my K-9 partner,Jake,was barking,and I saw a
little boy staring in at me"Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked.
"It sure is,"I replied.Puzzled,the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said,"What'd he do?"
8. ELDERLY
While working for an organiz ation that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age,particularly the canes,walkers and
wheelchairs.One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions,she merely turned and whispered,"The
tooth fairy will never believe this!"
9. DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress
for a party.When she saw her dad donning his
tuxedo,she warned,"Daddy,youshouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache
the next morning."
10. DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of
his church,our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt
Apparently,his 5-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin.Feeling that proper
burial should be performed,they had secured a small
box and cotton batting,then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased.The minister's
son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said:Glory be unto the
Faaaather,and unto the Sonnn,and into the hole he
gooooes."
1 1. SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week
of school."I'm just wasting my time," she said to her
mother."I can't read,I can't write and they won't let
me talk!"
12. BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible.He
was fascinated as he fingered through the old
pages.Suddenly,something fell out of the Bible.He
picked up the object and looked at it.What he saw
was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the
pages"Mama,look what I found,"the boy called out.
"What have you got there,dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice,he
answered,"I think it's Adam's underwear."
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, age 10
==============================================
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
==============================================
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
==============================================
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
==============================================
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin,age 10
==============================================
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the news- papers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
==============================================
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard,age 8
==============================================
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
==============================================
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
==============================================
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
I was driving with my three young children one
warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was'nt wearing anything!As
I was reeling from the shock,I heard my 5-year-old
shout from the back seat,"Mom!That lady isn't wearing
a seatbelt!"
2. HONESTY
My son Zachary,4,came screaming out of the
bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the
toilet.So I fished it out and threw it in the
garbage.Zachary stood there thinking for a moment,
then ran to my bathroom and came out with my
toothbrush.He held it up and said with a charming
little smile,"We better throw this one out too then,
cause it fell i n the toilet a few days ago."
3. OPINIONS
On the first day of school,a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother.The note
read,"The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
4. KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup
out of the jar.During her struggle the phone rang so
she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone."It's the minister,Mommy,"the child said.
Then she added,"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now.She's hitting the bottle."
5. MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found
himself in the women's locker room.When he was
spotted,the room burst into shrieks,with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover.The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked,"What's the
matter,haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
6. POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school,I was interrupted by a little girl
about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform,she
asked,"Are you a cop?"
"Yes,"I answered and continued writing the
report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should
ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes,that's right," I told her.
"Well,then," she said as she extended her foot
toward me,"would you please tie my shoe?"
7.POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my
police van in front of the station. As I gathered my
equipment,my K-9 partner,Jake,was barking,and I saw a
little boy staring in at me"Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked.
"It sure is,"I replied.Puzzled,the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said,"What'd he do?"
8. ELDERLY
While working for an organiz ation that
delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of
old age,particularly the canes,walkers and
wheelchairs.One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions,she merely turned and whispered,"The
tooth fairy will never believe this!"
9. DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress
for a party.When she saw her dad donning his
tuxedo,she warned,"Daddy,youshouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache
the next morning."
10. DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of
his church,our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt
Apparently,his 5-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin.Feeling that proper
burial should be performed,they had secured a small
box and cotton batting,then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased.The minister's
son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said:Glory be unto the
Faaaather,and unto the Sonnn,and into the hole he
gooooes."
1 1. SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week
of school."I'm just wasting my time," she said to her
mother."I can't read,I can't write and they won't let
me talk!"
12. BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible.He
was fascinated as he fingered through the old
pages.Suddenly,something fell out of the Bible.He
picked up the object and looked at it.What he saw
was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the
pages"Mama,look what I found,"the boy called out.
"What have you got there,dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice,he
answered,"I think it's Adam's underwear."
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kirsten, age 10
==============================================
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
==============================================
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
==============================================
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
==============================================
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin,age 10
==============================================
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the news- papers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
==============================================
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
--Howard,age 8
==============================================
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
==============================================
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
--Kelvin, age 8
==============================================
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
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