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ElaKiri Jokes
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
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<blockquote data-quote="Doly" data-source="post: 3324837" data-attributes="member: 118820"><p><strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy">Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.</span></span></strong><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>Please select from the following options menu:</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>line so we can trace your call.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>MotherShip.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>you which number to press.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>nothing will make you happy anyway.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>to talk with you.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are menopausal, put the guns down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.</strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up</strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: navy"><strong>anyhow."</strong></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Doly, post: 3324837, member: 118820"] [B][SIZE=4][COLOR=navy]Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][SIZE=4][COLOR=navy] [B]Please select from the following options menu:[/B] [B]If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.[/B] [B]If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.[/B] [B]If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.[/B] [B]If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the[/B] [B]line so we can trace your call.[/B] [B]If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the[/B] [B]MotherShip.[/B] [B]If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell[/B] [B]you which number to press.[/B] [B]If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,[/B] [B]nothing will make you happy anyway.[/B] [B]If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.[/B] [B]If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the[/B] [B]beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.[/B] [B]If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term[/B] [B]memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.[/B] [B]If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy[/B] [B]to talk with you.[/B] [B]If you are menopausal, put the guns down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie[/B] [B]down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.[/B] [B]If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up[/B] [B]anyhow."[/B][/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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