Newfie Hooker

[Timathi]

A Newfoundlander was walking home late at night and spots a woman in the Shadows.
"Twenty dollars" she whispers.
Perry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes.
They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I's makin' love to me wife!", the Newfoundlander answers, annoyed.
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the cop. "I didn't know."
"Well, neidder did I, 'til ya shined that light in 'er face!"

source /r/jokes

 

[Timathi]

A priest was walking through the worst part of town on his way to the soup kitchen. He passed by a young woman wearing more make-up than clothing.
"Hey mister, want a blowjob? Only $20" she asked.
"Uh, er, no thank you," said the priest.
What's a blowjob? he wondered. Later that night, on the way back, another woman asked him the same question.
"Hey buddy, want a blowjob? Only $20."
"Ah, no, not tonight." said the priest.
For the rest of the walk home he puzzled over what those women might be offering him. Finally, he reached the church, and saw the Mother Superior in the hallway.
"Mother Superior, what's a blowjob?"
"$20 father, same as in town."

 

[Timathi]

Guy's wife forces him to go to church one weekend instead of watching football. Bored as hell the entire time, he cannot wait for the sermon to finish. As soon as the priest starts walking out, he jumps out of his seat and starts walking out as well. Priest stops him and says "Hey man, I really need to hit the bathroom, I need you to run into the confessional and just tell people to tell them your sins. Depending on the gravity of the sin, tell them to do a certain number of hail Mary, and that their sins have been absolved." Guy is super choked, but feels obligated to help the priest out- so he goes in there and closes the door. A minute later, a lady walks in and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, I cheated on my husband and gave another man oral sex." Guy thinks this is pretty bad, but doesn't know how many hail Mary he should hand out, so he opens the booth looking to see if the Priest was coming. Instead, an alter boy was walking by after he had finished blowing out candles. "Psttt- hey man, what does the priest give for blowjobs?" "Well he gives me $10 and a bag of chips.."
source r/jokes

 

[Timathi]

 

[mAjIc hAt]