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Stereotypes. Lots of exceptions, overlap, blah blah blah. But it's all true as stereotypes often are. Everyone recognizes it even if everyone doesn't do it. What's up with this gender difference?
Here's what clinical experience says: women need the reassurance that the man doesn't just want to make love to her and men need the reassurance that it's okay to do just that. Women need the intimacy of post-coital connection, while men need to separate from that connection. Women like to gaze into a man's eyes; men like to go to sleep.
The causes of these differences lie in the different ways that men and women enjoy sex and intimacy. There's a lot of culture and socialisation here, but there is an explanation that's so Freudian it'll sound like it comes from Central Casting. Fortunately, it also happens to be true. Here goes: For women, sex and intimacy tend to be intertwined in an obligatory way because women often feel unconsciously guilty about having more sexual pleasure and fun than their mothers. Sex for its own sake would feel like dancing on their mothers' graves.
For men, sex and intimacy have to be separated because otherwise they feel both too close to and worried about women – originally, their mothers. If their partners are objectified, these men can feel safe from both dangers.
Thus, after sex, women need the reassurance that they, themselves, haven't abandoned themselves to it for its pleasure. Men need to pull away so as to not feel any risk of merging with the woman or having to take care of her. Voila!
Neither gender has it right – or wrong. It's ridiculous for women to claim that separating sex and intimacy is inherently degrading. It's also ridiculous for men to claim that a woman's need for intimate connection during and after sex is some type of burdensome dependency need. Intimacy can enhance pleasure or detract from it. Objectification can be a springboard to intense pleasure or an obstacle to it. Drawing battle lines about what's healthy or not when it comes to love and sex is perilous and usually serves neurotic purposes. We should all just get over it.
Points to be noted
Here are some more gender stereotypes for you to mull over:
- 63 per cent of husbands say that their sex life is better now that they are married; 94 per cent say they are happier overall than when they were single.
- Going to college increases a woman's chances of getting married; it also lowers her chances of getting divorced by 13 per cent.
- Men who wear aprons when they cook are twice as likely to have sex in the kitchen.
- One in four fathers says that he would help his daughter get birth control pills, even if it meant going behind his wife's back.
- Thirty per cent of married people who have online affairs turn their internet romances into real-life liaisons.
- Ten per cent of liars actually believe the fibs they tell, rendering polygraph tests impotent. Men are more likely to believe their own lies than women.
Here's what clinical experience says: women need the reassurance that the man doesn't just want to make love to her and men need the reassurance that it's okay to do just that. Women need the intimacy of post-coital connection, while men need to separate from that connection. Women like to gaze into a man's eyes; men like to go to sleep.
The causes of these differences lie in the different ways that men and women enjoy sex and intimacy. There's a lot of culture and socialisation here, but there is an explanation that's so Freudian it'll sound like it comes from Central Casting. Fortunately, it also happens to be true. Here goes: For women, sex and intimacy tend to be intertwined in an obligatory way because women often feel unconsciously guilty about having more sexual pleasure and fun than their mothers. Sex for its own sake would feel like dancing on their mothers' graves.
For men, sex and intimacy have to be separated because otherwise they feel both too close to and worried about women – originally, their mothers. If their partners are objectified, these men can feel safe from both dangers.
Thus, after sex, women need the reassurance that they, themselves, haven't abandoned themselves to it for its pleasure. Men need to pull away so as to not feel any risk of merging with the woman or having to take care of her. Voila!
Neither gender has it right – or wrong. It's ridiculous for women to claim that separating sex and intimacy is inherently degrading. It's also ridiculous for men to claim that a woman's need for intimate connection during and after sex is some type of burdensome dependency need. Intimacy can enhance pleasure or detract from it. Objectification can be a springboard to intense pleasure or an obstacle to it. Drawing battle lines about what's healthy or not when it comes to love and sex is perilous and usually serves neurotic purposes. We should all just get over it.
Points to be noted
Here are some more gender stereotypes for you to mull over:
- 63 per cent of husbands say that their sex life is better now that they are married; 94 per cent say they are happier overall than when they were single.
- Going to college increases a woman's chances of getting married; it also lowers her chances of getting divorced by 13 per cent.
- Men who wear aprons when they cook are twice as likely to have sex in the kitchen.
- One in four fathers says that he would help his daughter get birth control pills, even if it meant going behind his wife's back.
- Thirty per cent of married people who have online affairs turn their internet romances into real-life liaisons.
- Ten per cent of liars actually believe the fibs they tell, rendering polygraph tests impotent. Men are more likely to believe their own lies than women.
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