1. When using three wheelers check under the seat for claymore mines;
these are easily identifiable by the manufacturer's label saying
'Claymore Mine - made in Pakistan'.
2. If, when shopping, the South African cricket team or any of its
members enters the building leave rapidly - they are under a situational
threat.
3. When asked by the sentries at checkpoints whether you are carrying
bombs, do not reply in the affirmative.
4. When walking on the road in wet weather do not suddenly drop your
umbrella to the vertical to avoid being splashed by all 17 vehicles of
a
VVIP's convoy.
5. Under any circumstances do not pretend your umbrella is a gun.
6. If you have small children - do not send them to school until the
war is over.
7. If you are an orphan do not attend two day first aid camps in
Sennacholai.
8. Carry your business cards loosely on your person so that in the
event of a violent explosion they will scatter far and wide giving the
firm free
publicity on your death.
9. Migrate
10. Always take a file home. In the event of being caught in a
crossfire sit down in a safe place and do some work.
11. When driving and confronted by a violent situation crawl out of the
car or get on the floorboards. If you own a Maruti follow normal
procedure.
12. Do not fly the Eelam flag in Colombo or the Lion flag in uncleared
areas. If you're not sure if the area is cleared or not fly both flags.
13. Do not join the SLMM.
14. Do not accept lifts from strangers with moustaches and evil grins -
they could be Prabhakaran...or Mahinda.
15. Drink.
these are easily identifiable by the manufacturer's label saying
'Claymore Mine - made in Pakistan'.
2. If, when shopping, the South African cricket team or any of its
members enters the building leave rapidly - they are under a situational
threat.
3. When asked by the sentries at checkpoints whether you are carrying
bombs, do not reply in the affirmative.
4. When walking on the road in wet weather do not suddenly drop your
umbrella to the vertical to avoid being splashed by all 17 vehicles of
a
VVIP's convoy.
5. Under any circumstances do not pretend your umbrella is a gun.
6. If you have small children - do not send them to school until the
war is over.
7. If you are an orphan do not attend two day first aid camps in
Sennacholai.
8. Carry your business cards loosely on your person so that in the
event of a violent explosion they will scatter far and wide giving the
firm free
publicity on your death.
9. Migrate
10. Always take a file home. In the event of being caught in a
crossfire sit down in a safe place and do some work.
11. When driving and confronted by a violent situation crawl out of the
car or get on the floorboards. If you own a Maruti follow normal
procedure.
12. Do not fly the Eelam flag in Colombo or the Lion flag in uncleared
areas. If you're not sure if the area is cleared or not fly both flags.
13. Do not join the SLMM.
14. Do not accept lifts from strangers with moustaches and evil grins -
they could be Prabhakaran...or Mahinda.
15. Drink.
