1
Mother to daughter chat
Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her
youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mother: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get
married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and
have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts
his penis in the mummy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and
daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get
when a you do that?
Mother: Jewelry, dear.
2
Grandma's advice
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time
and she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those
young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like
that, but don't let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are
going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try
to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to
try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going
to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the
family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her
date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as
the old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him
disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top
of him and disgraced his family."
3
Three daughters
There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters.
Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sure
everything was all right.
One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter
coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a
while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he
could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this
time of the night.
When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear
her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided
to ask her tomorrow and continued.
There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's
room, and he then went to bed, satisfied.
The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast
table, he said to his youngest daughter, "I heard you laughing
last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"
She answered, "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone
was making me happy."
He then asked his second daughter, "I heard you crying last night,
why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone was
hurting me."
He then told his oldest daughter, "I didn't hear anything from
you..."
She said, "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth
full."
4
Voodoo penis
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy
sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep
her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking
for something special to please his wife, and started talking to
the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We
have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't
know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..."
and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo
Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door,
and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with
the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the
middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis,
return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there
quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to £738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine
while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but
then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was
absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and
decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another
incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in
my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"
5
Mother to daughter chat
Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her
youngest daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mother: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get
married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and
have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts
his penis in the mummy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and
daddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get
when a you do that?
Mother: Jewelry, dear.
2
Grandma's advice
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time
and she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those
young boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like
that, but don't let him do that."
She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are
going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try
to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that.
Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to
try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going
to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the
family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her
date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as
the old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him
disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top
of him and disgraced his family."
3
Three daughters
There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters.
Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sure
everything was all right.
One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter
coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a
while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he
could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this
time of the night.
When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear
her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided
to ask her tomorrow and continued.
There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's
room, and he then went to bed, satisfied.
The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast
table, he said to his youngest daughter, "I heard you laughing
last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"
She answered, "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone
was making me happy."
He then asked his second daughter, "I heard you crying last night,
why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone was
hurting me."
He then told his oldest daughter, "I didn't hear anything from
you..."
She said, "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth
full."
4
Voodoo penis
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy
sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep
her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, looking
for something special to please his wife, and started talking to
the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation.
"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We
have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't
know of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..."
and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo
penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He
opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The Voodoo
Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door,
and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with
the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the
middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis,
return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there
quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finally
surrendered to £738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my
crotch." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine
while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but
then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was
absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and
decided she'd had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,
quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another
incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in
my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an
arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"
5
