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Message: <blockquote data-quote="gayankuwait" data-source="post: 8948843" data-attributes="member: 312790">1Mother to daughter chat Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when heryoungest daughter walks in. Child: Mother, where do babies come from? Mother: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and getmarried. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug andhave sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy putshis penis in the mummy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey. Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you anddaddy's room, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you getwhen a you do that? Mother: Jewelry, dear.   2Grandma's advice There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first timeand she told her grandmother about it.Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about thoseyoung boys. He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to likethat, but don't let him do that."She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you aregoing to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to tryto put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, butdon't let him do that.Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going totry to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are goingto like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace thefamily."With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on herdate and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just asthe old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let himdisgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on topof him and disgraced his family."  3Three daughters There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters.Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sureeverything was all right.One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughtercoming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for awhile and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that hecould always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at thistime of the night.When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hearher crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decidedto ask her tomorrow and continued.There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter'sroom, and he then went to bed, satisfied.The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfasttable, he said to his youngest daughter, "I heard you laughinglast night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"She answered, "That's because you taught me to laugh when someonewas making me happy."He then asked his second daughter, "I heard you crying last night,why was that?"She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone washurting me."He then told his oldest daughter, "I didn't hear anything fromyou..."She said, "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouthfull."  4Voodoo penis A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip.He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthysex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keepher occupied while he was gone.He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around.He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close toanother man for him. He was browsing through the dildo's, lookingfor something special to please his wife, and started talking tothe old man behind the counter. He explained his situation."Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. Wehave vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don'tknow of thing that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..."and he stopped."Except what?" the man asked."Nothing, nothing.""C'mon, tell me! I need something!""Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoopenis.""So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very oldwooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. Heopened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks likeevery other dildo in this shop!"The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo Penis, the door." The VoodooPenis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door,and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly withthe vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down themiddle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis,return to box!"The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay therequiescent once more."I'll take it!" said the businessman.The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but finallysurrendered to £738 in cash and an imitation Rolex.The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildoand that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, mycrotch." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be finewhile he was gone.After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny.She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, butthen she remembered the Voodoo Penis.She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It wasabsolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted anddecided she'd had enough.She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, stillthrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they couldhelp. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive,quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, anotherincredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had todrink.Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything todrink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck inmy crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in anarrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"  5</blockquote>

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