Uduravana in Heaven
Mr. Uduravana died and went to heaven.
When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules are in
effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain
admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Mr. Uduravana thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though
it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
Uduravana replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
Uduravana Relaxing!
Mr. Uduravana was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Uduravana answered, "No, I am Uduravana"
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Uduravana answered, "No! No! Me Uduravana!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Uduravana was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sri Lankan soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked,
"Are you Relaxing?"
The other man was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Uduravana slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Uduravana, Rupavahini & Hidden cameras
Mrs. Uduravana caught her husband Mr. Uduravana searching high and low all
around his living room.
Mrs. Uduravan: "What are you searching for?"
Mr. Uduravan: "Hidden cameras!"
Mrs. Uduravan: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Mr. Uduravan: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few
minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching Rupavahini channel'. How does he
know that?"
Uduravana's English Exam
Mr. Uduravana finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how he did his exam. He replied
"Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, and
thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!" 8)
Travel
Mr. Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the
first time.
Getting on at Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my
balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom
of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and
he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket.I'll
give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to
fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name : Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex : Ticked the Female Box and wrote below : unlike these foreigners, we
always have sex with females !
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited
and anxious to get off. So he went to the door before anyone, and prepared
to jump down. "Wait sir, Wait" cried an air hostess. "75 Kilograms" replied
Udurawana and jumped off the plane!
IN THE HOSPITAL
In the Hospital After his jump from the plane, Udurawana was taken to a
doctor to be treated for minor injuries. While awaiting his turn for
treatment, Udurawana smiled with an old Englishman sitting next to him.
"Hello" said the Englishman " I'm suffering from Influenza" "Hello" replied
Udurawana. " I'm Udurawana from Sri Lanka" The Englishman confused, said "I
mean my Influenza... came from Catarrh". I know, I know replied Udurawana.
"Though I say Sri Lanka, I am also from Pettah."
CONFERENCE
Conference proceedings 1
Fortunately, the injuries were not serious and Udurawana was able to
participate in the conference. The Chairperson said "Mr. Udurawana from Sri
Lanka will now address you !" Udurawana rose from his seat, and said:
"Udurawana Walawwa No. 29, Ranawana Road, Katugastota, Kandy, Sri Lanka."
Conference proceedings 2
When Udurawana announced his postal address to the audience, his Secretary
came for assistance. "That is not what you are supposed to do, Sir", he
said, giving him a five-page written-speech. "You are supposed to speak to
them. Please read this speech to them!" Udurawana started reading aloud.
Other than for a few mistakes in pronouncing, things were okay for a few
minutes. Then, suddenly, Udurawana shouted: " Patto!"
The audience got a bit excited, but Udurawana continued to read as if
nothing happened. After another few minutes, another loud "Patto!" was
heard. Udurawana's secretary wanted to find out the reason for this,so he
carefully followed the written speech. And he found that..... UDURAWANA WAS
READING THE 'P.T.O.' AS PATTO!
LUNCH BREAK
During the conference lunch break, Udurawana dropped in at a restaurant
with an English friend. The friend ordered a Fanta and our Udurawana ordered a
Coke. The Suddah friend sipped the Fanta and said, "Aaah.....Fantastic...."
Our friend Udurawana sipped the Coke and yelled,
"Aaaaaaah.....Cockastic...."
AT THE BAR
It was a chilly day and as he wanted to warm himself up, he went to a PUB.
He saw two Englishmen sitting near the counter and joined them. The first
Englishmen said to the bar man "JOHNNY WALKER, single" The Bar man served
him. The second Englishmen said "not allowed DANIEL, single". The Bar man
served him too. Now it was Udurawana's turn and he said: "HEEN BANDA
UDURAWANA, MARRIED"!!!
Understanding
One day when Udurawana was waiting for a bus at a bus stop in London, it
started raining. But this wasn't a problem for Udurawana who used to take a
large umbrella with him all the time.
Having resorted to the shelter of his umbrella, Udurawana looked around to
see how the others at the bus stop are doings. Then he saw that there was a
white girl who didn't have an umbrella.
So Udurawana thought of helping her, and said." Why are you outstanding"
"Please come and understand my umbrella"
Mr. Uduravana died and went to heaven.
When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules are in
effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain
admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Mr. Uduravana thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though
it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
Uduravana replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
Uduravana Relaxing!
Mr. Uduravana was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Uduravana answered, "No, I am Uduravana"
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Uduravana answered, "No! No! Me Uduravana!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Uduravana was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sri Lankan soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked,
"Are you Relaxing?"
The other man was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Uduravana slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Uduravana, Rupavahini & Hidden cameras
Mrs. Uduravana caught her husband Mr. Uduravana searching high and low all
around his living room.
Mrs. Uduravan: "What are you searching for?"
Mr. Uduravan: "Hidden cameras!"
Mrs. Uduravan: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Mr. Uduravan: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few
minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching Rupavahini channel'. How does he
know that?"
Uduravana's English Exam
Mr. Uduravana finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how he did his exam. He replied
"Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, and
thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!" 8)
Travel
Mr. Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the
first time.
Getting on at Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my
balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom
of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and
he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket.I'll
give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to
fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name : Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex : Ticked the Female Box and wrote below : unlike these foreigners, we
always have sex with females !
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited
and anxious to get off. So he went to the door before anyone, and prepared
to jump down. "Wait sir, Wait" cried an air hostess. "75 Kilograms" replied
Udurawana and jumped off the plane!
IN THE HOSPITAL
In the Hospital After his jump from the plane, Udurawana was taken to a
doctor to be treated for minor injuries. While awaiting his turn for
treatment, Udurawana smiled with an old Englishman sitting next to him.
"Hello" said the Englishman " I'm suffering from Influenza" "Hello" replied
Udurawana. " I'm Udurawana from Sri Lanka" The Englishman confused, said "I
mean my Influenza... came from Catarrh". I know, I know replied Udurawana.
"Though I say Sri Lanka, I am also from Pettah."
CONFERENCE
Conference proceedings 1
Fortunately, the injuries were not serious and Udurawana was able to
participate in the conference. The Chairperson said "Mr. Udurawana from Sri
Lanka will now address you !" Udurawana rose from his seat, and said:
"Udurawana Walawwa No. 29, Ranawana Road, Katugastota, Kandy, Sri Lanka."
Conference proceedings 2
When Udurawana announced his postal address to the audience, his Secretary
came for assistance. "That is not what you are supposed to do, Sir", he
said, giving him a five-page written-speech. "You are supposed to speak to
them. Please read this speech to them!" Udurawana started reading aloud.
Other than for a few mistakes in pronouncing, things were okay for a few
minutes. Then, suddenly, Udurawana shouted: " Patto!"
The audience got a bit excited, but Udurawana continued to read as if
nothing happened. After another few minutes, another loud "Patto!" was
heard. Udurawana's secretary wanted to find out the reason for this,so he
carefully followed the written speech. And he found that..... UDURAWANA WAS
READING THE 'P.T.O.' AS PATTO!
LUNCH BREAK
During the conference lunch break, Udurawana dropped in at a restaurant
with an English friend. The friend ordered a Fanta and our Udurawana ordered a
Coke. The Suddah friend sipped the Fanta and said, "Aaah.....Fantastic...."
Our friend Udurawana sipped the Coke and yelled,
"Aaaaaaah.....Cockastic...."
AT THE BAR
It was a chilly day and as he wanted to warm himself up, he went to a PUB.
He saw two Englishmen sitting near the counter and joined them. The first
Englishmen said to the bar man "JOHNNY WALKER, single" The Bar man served
him. The second Englishmen said "not allowed DANIEL, single". The Bar man
served him too. Now it was Udurawana's turn and he said: "HEEN BANDA
UDURAWANA, MARRIED"!!!
Understanding
One day when Udurawana was waiting for a bus at a bus stop in London, it
started raining. But this wasn't a problem for Udurawana who used to take a
large umbrella with him all the time.
Having resorted to the shelter of his umbrella, Udurawana looked around to
see how the others at the bus stop are doings. Then he saw that there was a
white girl who didn't have an umbrella.
So Udurawana thought of helping her, and said." Why are you outstanding"
"Please come and understand my umbrella"
