-----------Our famous Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying
for the first time. Here are some incidents which took place during that
trip.
GETTING ON
At Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the
plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my
balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom
of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time
and he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket.
I'll give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to
fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name : Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex : Ticked the Female Box and wrote below : unlike these foreigners, we
always have sex with females !
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited
and anxious to get off. So he went to the door before anyone, and prepared
to jump down. "Wait sir, Wait" cried an air hostess. "75 Kilograms" replied
Udurawana and jumped off the plane !
HURT
Seeing Udurawana jump off the plane, an airport worker came running to his
aid. "Sir, Are you hurt? ", he asked, helping Udurawanna to stand up.
"No, I am not Hurt. I am Udurawana" he replied.
IN THE HOSPITAL
In the Hospital After his jump from the plane, Udurawana was taken to a
doctor to be treated for minor injuries. While awaiting his turn for
treatment, Udurawana smiled with an old Englishman sitting next to him.
"Hello" said the Englishman " I'm suffering from Influenza" "Hello" replied
Udurawana. " I'm Udurawana from Sri Lanka" The Englishman confused, said "I
mean my Influenza... came from Catarrh". I know, I know replied Udurawana.
"Though I say Sri Lanka, I am also from Pettah."
CONFERENCE
Conference proceedings 1
Fortunately, the injuries were not serious and Udurawana was able to
participate in the conference. The Chairperson said "Mr. Udurawana from Sri
Lanka will now address you !" Udurawana rose from his seat, and said:
"Udurawana Walawwa No. 29, Ranawana Road, Katugastota, Kandy, Sri Lanka."
Conference proceedings 2
When Udurawana announced his postal address to the audience, his Secretary
came for assistance. "That is not what you are supposed to do, Sir", he
said, giving him a five-page written-speech. "You are supposed to speak to
them. Please read this speech to them!" Udurawana started reading aloud.
Other than for a few mistakes in pronouncing, things were okay for a few
minutes. Then, suddenly, Udurawana shouted: " Patto!"
The audience got a bit excited, but Udurawana continued to read as if
nothing happened. After another few minutes, another loud "Patto!" was
heard. Udurawana's secretary wanted to find out the reason for this,so he
carefully followed the written speech. And he found that..... UDURAWANA WAS
READING THE 'P.T.O.' AS PATTO!
LUNCH BREAK
During the conference lunch break, Udurawana dropped in at a restaurant
with an English friend. The friend ordered a Fanta and our Udurawana
ordered a Coke. The Suddah friend sipped the Fanta and said, "Aaah.....
Fantastic...."
Our friend Udurawana sipped the Coke and yelled,
"Aaaaaaah.....Cockastic...."
TENNIS
Udurawana went to play tennis with another delegate. He was playing after
some time and most of his shots ended up hitting the net. The opponent
shouted " Hey mate, your balls are too low ! " Udurawana replied " Don't
you know these Sri Lankan Velona underwears!, must go to M.C and buy some
good crocodile ones ! ".
AT THE BAR
It was a chilly day and as he wanted to warm himself up, he went to a PUB.
He saw two Englishmen sitting near the counter and joined them. The first
Englishmen said to the bar man "JOHNNY WALKER, single" The Bar man served
him. The second Englishmen said
"JACK DANIEL, single". The Bar man served him too. Now it was Udurawana's
turn and he said: "HEEN BANDA UDURAWANA, MARRIED" !!!
Udurawana gets ready ,wears a tie, coat ,goes out,
climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.
Udurawana:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
__________________________________________
Once Udurawana professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.U know Why? Because he wanted to check
where the question paper is leaking...
__________________________________________
Udurawana: I haven't slept all night in the train.
Friend: why ?
Udurawana: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't you exchange?
Udurawana: Oye, there was nobody to exchange with in
the lower berth..
______________________________________________
The teacher lecturing on population -
In India, after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a
kid.
Udurawana stands up - we must find & stop her!.
_______________________________________________
Udurawana -why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Udurawana - If only the winner will get the cup, why
are others running?
________________________________________________
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Udurawana: The future tense is "you will go to jail".
________________________________________________
Udurawana found the answer to the most difficult
question ever - "What comes first, the Chicken or the
egg?
"Aiyooo, what ever you order first will come first."
________________________________________________
Udurawana wins 20 Million Rupees from a Rs. 20 lottery
ticket. Dealer gave 11 Mil after deducting tax.
Angry Udurawana: "Give me 20 Million or else return my
20 Rupees back.!"
________________________________________________
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver you this
Packet.
Udurawana:- Why did you come so far? Instead you could
have posted it....
________________________________________________
Udurawana proposed to a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr
elder to you'...........
Udurawana said 'Oye No Problem Chandra, I'll marry you
NEXT YEAR.
_________________________________________________
Udurawana's wish - When I die, I wanna die like my
grandpa, who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming
like all the passengers in the car he was driving
__________________________________________________
Udurawana at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror
_________________________________________________
A man asked Udurawana, why Mahinda Rajapaksha goes
walking at evening and not in the morning.
Udurawana replied ''aiyooo Mahinda Rajapaksha is PM,
not AM''.
********************
for the first time. Here are some incidents which took place during that
trip.
GETTING ON
At Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the
plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my
balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom
of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time
and he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket.
I'll give you some later! "
EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to
fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name : Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex : Ticked the Female Box and wrote below : unlike these foreigners, we
always have sex with females !
GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited
and anxious to get off. So he went to the door before anyone, and prepared
to jump down. "Wait sir, Wait" cried an air hostess. "75 Kilograms" replied
Udurawana and jumped off the plane !
HURT
Seeing Udurawana jump off the plane, an airport worker came running to his
aid. "Sir, Are you hurt? ", he asked, helping Udurawanna to stand up.
"No, I am not Hurt. I am Udurawana" he replied.
IN THE HOSPITAL
In the Hospital After his jump from the plane, Udurawana was taken to a
doctor to be treated for minor injuries. While awaiting his turn for
treatment, Udurawana smiled with an old Englishman sitting next to him.
"Hello" said the Englishman " I'm suffering from Influenza" "Hello" replied
Udurawana. " I'm Udurawana from Sri Lanka" The Englishman confused, said "I
mean my Influenza... came from Catarrh". I know, I know replied Udurawana.
"Though I say Sri Lanka, I am also from Pettah."
CONFERENCE
Conference proceedings 1
Fortunately, the injuries were not serious and Udurawana was able to
participate in the conference. The Chairperson said "Mr. Udurawana from Sri
Lanka will now address you !" Udurawana rose from his seat, and said:
"Udurawana Walawwa No. 29, Ranawana Road, Katugastota, Kandy, Sri Lanka."
Conference proceedings 2
When Udurawana announced his postal address to the audience, his Secretary
came for assistance. "That is not what you are supposed to do, Sir", he
said, giving him a five-page written-speech. "You are supposed to speak to
them. Please read this speech to them!" Udurawana started reading aloud.
Other than for a few mistakes in pronouncing, things were okay for a few
minutes. Then, suddenly, Udurawana shouted: " Patto!"
The audience got a bit excited, but Udurawana continued to read as if
nothing happened. After another few minutes, another loud "Patto!" was
heard. Udurawana's secretary wanted to find out the reason for this,so he
carefully followed the written speech. And he found that..... UDURAWANA WAS
READING THE 'P.T.O.' AS PATTO!
LUNCH BREAK
During the conference lunch break, Udurawana dropped in at a restaurant
with an English friend. The friend ordered a Fanta and our Udurawana
ordered a Coke. The Suddah friend sipped the Fanta and said, "Aaah.....
Fantastic...."
Our friend Udurawana sipped the Coke and yelled,
"Aaaaaaah.....Cockastic...."
TENNIS
Udurawana went to play tennis with another delegate. He was playing after
some time and most of his shots ended up hitting the net. The opponent
shouted " Hey mate, your balls are too low ! " Udurawana replied " Don't
you know these Sri Lankan Velona underwears!, must go to M.C and buy some
good crocodile ones ! ".
AT THE BAR
It was a chilly day and as he wanted to warm himself up, he went to a PUB.
He saw two Englishmen sitting near the counter and joined them. The first
Englishmen said to the bar man "JOHNNY WALKER, single" The Bar man served
him. The second Englishmen said
"JACK DANIEL, single". The Bar man served him too. Now it was Udurawana's
turn and he said: "HEEN BANDA UDURAWANA, MARRIED" !!!
Udurawana gets ready ,wears a tie, coat ,goes out,
climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.
Udurawana:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
__________________________________________
Once Udurawana professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.U know Why? Because he wanted to check
where the question paper is leaking...
__________________________________________
Udurawana: I haven't slept all night in the train.
Friend: why ?
Udurawana: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't you exchange?
Udurawana: Oye, there was nobody to exchange with in
the lower berth..
______________________________________________
The teacher lecturing on population -
In India, after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a
kid.
Udurawana stands up - we must find & stop her!.
_______________________________________________
Udurawana -why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Udurawana - If only the winner will get the cup, why
are others running?
________________________________________________
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Udurawana: The future tense is "you will go to jail".
________________________________________________
Udurawana found the answer to the most difficult
question ever - "What comes first, the Chicken or the
egg?
"Aiyooo, what ever you order first will come first."
________________________________________________
Udurawana wins 20 Million Rupees from a Rs. 20 lottery
ticket. Dealer gave 11 Mil after deducting tax.
Angry Udurawana: "Give me 20 Million or else return my
20 Rupees back.!"
________________________________________________
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver you this
Packet.
Udurawana:- Why did you come so far? Instead you could
have posted it....
________________________________________________
Udurawana proposed to a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr
elder to you'...........
Udurawana said 'Oye No Problem Chandra, I'll marry you
NEXT YEAR.
_________________________________________________
Udurawana's wish - When I die, I wanna die like my
grandpa, who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming
like all the passengers in the car he was driving
__________________________________________________
Udurawana at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror
_________________________________________________
A man asked Udurawana, why Mahinda Rajapaksha goes
walking at evening and not in the morning.
Udurawana replied ''aiyooo Mahinda Rajapaksha is PM,
not AM''.
********************
HE IS SPAMING
