Why Do People Cheat?
In my practice, I encounter adultery and cheating almost every day. Infidelity is a common theme in many relationships -- but the reasons behind it may surprise you.
Cheating is rarely about pure sexual attraction. Infidelity is almost always about more than just sex. Indeed, some of the common reasons that people cheat are entirely based on emotional needs.
Perhaps one of the most common reasons behind infidelity is the need for appreciation. Someone who is feeling unloved or unappreciated may begin looking outside their marriage for sources of comfort and affirmation. Occasionally, these partners even blame their spouses for their infidelity - rationalizing it as, "Well, if he paid more attention to me, I wouldn't have to cheat," or "If she can't give me the love I need, I have a right to seek it elsewhere." However, if you aren't feeling loved or appreciated in your relationship, you need to take responsibility for those feelings and discover what is causing you feel that way. Do you feel unloved because your spouse is spending too much time at work? Are you jealous of your boyfriend's relationship with his female friends? By addressing the true issue and being upfront about personal and sexual needs, couples can keep cheating out of the picture.
Another common reason for infidelity is revenge. Perhaps your partner cheated on you in the past or you merely have suspicions about his faithfulness. This might drive you to try to get back at your partner by committing similar offenses. However, as Gandhi once put it, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." If you have secret anger or bitterness towards your partner, quit hiding it! Make him or her aware of your feelings and decide if you're able to forgive and forget. If you can't, it's better to get out of the relationship rather than stay and cheat.
One often surprising reason behind infidelity is self-destruction. Some people have such low self-esteem that when something good happens to them (such as meeting and dating a great man or woman), they think they don't deserve that gift. In response to such feelings, these people may go out of their way to self-destruct their relationships. Other people keep their feelings hidden, thinking "better to break their heart before they can break mine." Self-esteem and trust issues this extreme may require outside support in the form of couples or individual counseling. If you believe your mate is suffering from such feelings, assist them by offering your love, praise, and affection.
If you want to protect your relationship from infidelity, you must first protect your relationship from the silent killers - jealousy, bitterness, low self-esteem, and mistrust. The only way to do this is through honest communication. Reveal your true emotions and needs to your partner and encourage him to do the same.
In my practice, I encounter adultery and cheating almost every day. Infidelity is a common theme in many relationships -- but the reasons behind it may surprise you.
Cheating is rarely about pure sexual attraction. Infidelity is almost always about more than just sex. Indeed, some of the common reasons that people cheat are entirely based on emotional needs.
Perhaps one of the most common reasons behind infidelity is the need for appreciation. Someone who is feeling unloved or unappreciated may begin looking outside their marriage for sources of comfort and affirmation. Occasionally, these partners even blame their spouses for their infidelity - rationalizing it as, "Well, if he paid more attention to me, I wouldn't have to cheat," or "If she can't give me the love I need, I have a right to seek it elsewhere." However, if you aren't feeling loved or appreciated in your relationship, you need to take responsibility for those feelings and discover what is causing you feel that way. Do you feel unloved because your spouse is spending too much time at work? Are you jealous of your boyfriend's relationship with his female friends? By addressing the true issue and being upfront about personal and sexual needs, couples can keep cheating out of the picture.
Another common reason for infidelity is revenge. Perhaps your partner cheated on you in the past or you merely have suspicions about his faithfulness. This might drive you to try to get back at your partner by committing similar offenses. However, as Gandhi once put it, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." If you have secret anger or bitterness towards your partner, quit hiding it! Make him or her aware of your feelings and decide if you're able to forgive and forget. If you can't, it's better to get out of the relationship rather than stay and cheat.
One often surprising reason behind infidelity is self-destruction. Some people have such low self-esteem that when something good happens to them (such as meeting and dating a great man or woman), they think they don't deserve that gift. In response to such feelings, these people may go out of their way to self-destruct their relationships. Other people keep their feelings hidden, thinking "better to break their heart before they can break mine." Self-esteem and trust issues this extreme may require outside support in the form of couples or individual counseling. If you believe your mate is suffering from such feelings, assist them by offering your love, praise, and affection.
If you want to protect your relationship from infidelity, you must first protect your relationship from the silent killers - jealousy, bitterness, low self-esteem, and mistrust. The only way to do this is through honest communication. Reveal your true emotions and needs to your partner and encourage him to do the same.
