Jokes Jokes Jokes! (daily update)

[Zepado]

Blame The Dog


A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

 

[Zepado]

Johnny Farts


The teacher walks into the room and says... "OK class todays word is DEFINITLY, can anyone use the word in a sentence."

Little Susie stands up and say "The sky is DEFINITLY blue."

The teacher says; "Not necisarrily Susie, it can be blue, gray, or black, but nice try."

Little Johnny is in the back of the room and is waving his hands back and forth.

The teacher says " Yes Johnny, What is it?"

Johnny says " I have a question."

OK lets hear it, says the teacher.

Johnny says "Do Farts have lumps?"

The teacher says, "Well no they don't."

Little Johnny says "Well then I DEFINITLY just shit my pants!!!"

 

[Zepado]

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

 

[thimal3000]

ela ela machan keep it up. niyamai

 

[murtaza123]

ela macho

 

[nadun07]

keep it up!

 

[Diego97]

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

meke ......nam deakala thiyenava but the elephants is suppose to ask ... WHY IS YOUR NOSE SO SMALL ....???

 

[sherlock]

elakiri bro

 

[Zepado]

Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & died.
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

 

[Zepado]

Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?

A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.
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What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
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What did the elephant say to naked man?
How do you breath through that thing?

 

[Zepado]

Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."

=========================================

Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!!!"
============================================
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

 

[djboss]

fatta banz!!!

 

[KARR]

ela kiri ban.. thawa danna...

 

[Zepado]

.mata mage school exam eka hindath noyekuth personal kaaranaa hindath mee thread ekata joke danna bariwuna.ithin onna mama ayemath patangannawa me thread eke jokes danna.

 

[Zepado]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
[/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. [/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. [/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. [/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. [/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
[/FONT]

 

[Zepado]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

----------------------------------------------------
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
--------------------------------------------

 

[Zepado]

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

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[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?
[/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica]A Baboom ![/FONT]

 

[Hiranchandima]

elakiri keep it up!!

 

[Zepado]

සුබ දවසක් මිත්‍රවරුනි ගොඩ කාලෙකින් එලකිරි 1ක පැත්තෙ ආවෙ.ඔන්න මම අයෙමත් ජොක්ස් දානව ඕන්! දැන් මං A/L කරන හන්දා හැම වෙලේම එන්න නම් බැරි වෙයි.එත් පුලුවන් හැම වෙලේම වගේ හොඳ කතා ටිකක් දාන්නම්

දෙයියො
එක් මිනිසෙක් දෙවියන් පිලිබඳ මහත් භක්තියෙන් පසු වන විට දිනක් හදිසියේම ඔහු ඉදිරියේ දෙවියන් පහල විය.දැන් ඔහු දෙවියන්ගෙන් මෙසේ අසයි,

"අනේ දෙවියන් වහන්ස මගේ බිරිද හරිම ලස්සනයි ඇයි ඔබ වහන්සේ ඇයව ලස්සනට මැව්වෙ?"

දෙවියො:අනේ ගොන් වහන්සේ ඒ මං උඹ ගැන හිතලයි එහෙම කලේ

මිනිසා:එත් එයා හරි මෝඩයි ඇයි ඒ එහෙම කලේ?

දෙයියො:මං ඒක කලෙත් උඹ ගැන හිතලා තමයි.එහෙම නැත්නම් ඒ ගෑනි උඹ වගේ පුබ්බඩයෙක්ව බඳීද?

 

[ayanthamaxi]

ela ela ohoma yan