football fun

[yakshaya]

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

 

[yakshaya]

Rafa Benitez was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, “Can you manage dear?” to which the old lady replied, “no way you got yourself into this mess, don’t ask me to sort it out!”

 

[yakshaya]

Rafa Benitez has this morning explained why he continues to play the rotation system. He says it’s the keep the burglars guessing, who’s at home or who’s in the team.

 

[yakshaya]

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said England's performance on Saturday was completely appalling.
British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 44 years.

 

[yakshaya]

Q: What's the difference between England goalkeeper Rob Green's spill and BP's spill?
A: Robert Green has got a cap for his.

 

[yakshaya]

David Beckham is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the kids in the class if anyone can give him an example of a ‘tragedy’.

One little boy stands up and offers that if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be a tragedy.

“No,” Beckham says, “that would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand.”If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved….. that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explains Beckham. “That is what we would call a GREATLOSS. ”

The room is silent, none of the children volunteer.

“What?” asks Beckham, “Isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says “If an airplane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.”

Beckham beams. “Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy “because it wouldn’t be an accident and it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss.”

 

[yakshaya]

Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that crap can float.

 

[yakshaya]

Ronaldo, Luis Figo and Wayne Rooney are standing before God at the throne of Heaven.

God looks at them and says; “before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in.”

Addressing Ronaldo first he asks, “what do you believe?”

Ronaldo looks God in the eye and states passionately, “I believe Football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the slums of Lisbon to the bright lights of Porto . I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club.”

God looks up and offers Ronaldo the seat to his left.
He then turns to Luis Figo , “and you, Luis , what do you believe?”
Figo stands tall and proud, “I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I’ve spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits.”

God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Figo the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Wayne Rooney , “and you, Wayne , what do you believe?”

“I believe” says Rooney “you’re sitting in my seat.”

 

[yakshaya]

The goalkeeper of a works football team had just let in his hundredth goal of the season. As the team was leaving the ground after the match, he said cheerfully, 'Has anyone got ten pence for the phone - I want to call a friend.'
'Here's twenty pence,' said a team-mate. 'Call all your friends'.

 

[yakshaya]

'I understand you're a member of the school football team,' said a visiting uncle to seven-year-old Johnny. 'What position do you play?' 'I'm not sure,' answered the boy, 'but I think I heard teacher say that I was the team's main drawback.'

 

[yakshaya]

 

[yakshaya]

 

[nasam]

ela ela

 

[Banks PLK]

nice post
really enjoyed

 

[yakshaya]

ela ela

thanks machan.

 

[yakshaya]

nice post
really enjoyed

thanks.

 

[yakshaya]

 

[yakshaya]

What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee

 

[yakshaya]

What's the difference between the England team and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

 

[yakshaya]