Do Hearts Have Legs ?
Little amda once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
amda replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."
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Dinner Table........
Little amda comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant.
Thinking fast she replied "food on the table".
Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean.
Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest".
Next day he comes home a asks what does "fu**in'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed".
That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. amda is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.
He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fu**in'".
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amda 's Heavy Wagon.........
Little amda was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little amda says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The prist replies "Yes amda God is in your Wagon"
Little amda says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
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amda needs a bike.........
A few months after his parents were divorced, little amda passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
amda ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
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The Birds and The Bees..........
Little amda's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little amda said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little amda what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little amda sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fu*k, I've got nothing left to live for!"
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No Bathroom Break...........
One day there was this little boy named amda he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no.
Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords
He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z "
Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a "
Then she said "Where is the p."
Lil amda said "Running down my leg."
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Why Feet Go To Heaven First...................
The teacher asks Little amda "Which body part goes to heaven first?"
Little amda replies "The feet miss"
So the teacher says "Why the feet?"
And Little amda says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'
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The Music Teacher............
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little amda in the back.
amda says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."
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Little amda once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
amda replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."
---------------------------------------------
Dinner Table........
Little amda comes home from school one day and asks his mother what "shit" meant.
Thinking fast she replied "food on the table".
Next day he comes home and asks his mother what does "son of a bitch" mean.
Again, thinking fast again she says "It's a priest".
Next day he comes home a asks what does "fu**in'" mean. She says it means "getting dressed".
That same night a priest was coming over for dinner. amda is just finished setting the table when he hears the doorbell ring.
He yells "got it". He opens the door and says "Hey son of a bitch, shits on the table and mom and dad are upstairs fu**in'".
--------------------------------------------
amda 's Heavy Wagon.........
Little amda was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little amda says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The prist replies "Yes amda God is in your Wagon"
Little amda says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
----------------------------------------
amda needs a bike.........
A few months after his parents were divorced, little amda passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
amda ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
-----------------------------------------------
The Birds and The Bees..........
Little amda's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little amda said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little amda what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little amda sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fu*k, I've got nothing left to live for!"
----------------------------------------------------
No Bathroom Break...........
One day there was this little boy named amda he had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand and asked the teacher "can I go to the bathroom." she said no.
Then 5 mins later he raised his hand and said "damit I have to piss can I go to the bathroom."She said "no not with that mouth."She said now go to the corner and say your a,b,c's.frontwords and backwords
He went to the corner and said "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z "
Then he said "z,y,x,w,v,u,t,s,r,q,o,n,m,l,k,j,i,h,g,f,e,d,c,b,a "
Then she said "Where is the p."
Lil amda said "Running down my leg."
------------------------------------------------------
Why Feet Go To Heaven First...................
The teacher asks Little amda "Which body part goes to heaven first?"
Little amda replies "The feet miss"
So the teacher says "Why the feet?"
And Little amda says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'
----------------------------------------------
The Music Teacher............
The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little amda in the back.
amda says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."
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