I stopped trusting English language when my teacher said "Give her her pen" was correct yet "Give him him pen was incorrect"
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Yesterday a stranger stopped me on the way and said: "I am your brother's father in law. I need ten thousand rupees, give it to me quickly." I gave him the money...I remembered the fact that I had no brothers after he disappeared away....
A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle. The boy obeyed.The boy returned his home and reported to his mom.
Son : Mom ! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!
Mom : How were you able to came back home?
Son : I followed the cat.
Yesterday: I went to a restaurant. I saw there was a WiFi service, So I asked for the password. The waitress told me "Eat first," So I placed my order. After eating I asked again for the password, and again, she told me "Eat first".. feeling frustrated, I ordered black coffee, After coffee, again I asked for the password. They told me "Eat first". Then angrily, I walked to the restaurant manager and asked for the password. He replied "Eat first!! I was about to explode, when I finally saw a sign on the wall........... WiFi password=EAT FIRST
A boy asked a beautiful girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"? The girl Answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!! All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed. After minutes the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed,right? The guy responded with a loud voice :$300 for one night That's too much!! and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and say, "You're next". They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Yesterday at a resturant....
A beautiful young girl came towards me and said, "Are you single?"
I happily said, "Yes"
.
.
Then she took an extra chair from my table for her boyfriend
Me :- Mom am I pretty?
Mom :- I don't know ask your gf
Me :- But I don't have a gf
Mom :- Then you have your
answer.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. the driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine,turn it off again and said "We reached your destination" The first guy gave him money,the second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too,while the third guy slapped the taxi driver,the driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did,the driver asked "What was that for?" the third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us!!"
A POLITICIAN visited a village and asked what their needs were.
”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.”
A kid went to his father and asked,
"Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this nice girl"
Father: "That's great son. Who is it?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise me not to tell your mom Sandra is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on, a couple of months later...
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is it?"
Son: "It's Angela, The other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your" sister.
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
"Mom I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whomever you want. He isn't your father"
I think my girl is faithful.
She has no male contact on her phone.
Even my name is saved as Anjali.
She is so intelligent too, I used my best friend's phone to call her and she already knew that it was me, she picked and immediately said "hi sweetie"
The son asked, "Dad, is our house haunted?"
"I dont know son." His dad replied
"But the maid said that the house isn't haunted?"
The dad panicked, "Run son, we don't have a maid."
A family eating together
Son: "Dad, I saw Mom and Uncle on your bedroom yesterday."
Mom:"Silly child, where did you learn how to lie?"
Dad:"Honey stop. Tell me son, what are they doing in our bedroom?"
Son:" Dad, I saw uncle lie on the bed then mom goes on top of him, the same thing that our maid did to you last night!"
Dad:"Your mom is right, where did you learn to tell such lies, go back to room right now."
Father : come back my son i bought a car for u
Mother : come back my son i cooked a food that u like
Sister : don't come back brother they saw ur pack of cigarettes
The police interviewed a child:
Police: Where do you live?
Child: At my house
Police: Where are your parents?
Child: They live with me in my house
Police: Where is your house?
Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Child: You wont believe it.
Police: WHERE??
Child: Next to my house.
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Yesterday a stranger stopped me on the way and said: "I am your brother's father in law. I need ten thousand rupees, give it to me quickly." I gave him the money...I remembered the fact that I had no brothers after he disappeared away....
A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle. The boy obeyed.The boy returned his home and reported to his mom.
Son : Mom ! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!
Mom : How were you able to came back home?
Son : I followed the cat.
Yesterday: I went to a restaurant. I saw there was a WiFi service, So I asked for the password. The waitress told me "Eat first," So I placed my order. After eating I asked again for the password, and again, she told me "Eat first".. feeling frustrated, I ordered black coffee, After coffee, again I asked for the password. They told me "Eat first". Then angrily, I walked to the restaurant manager and asked for the password. He replied "Eat first!! I was about to explode, when I finally saw a sign on the wall........... WiFi password=EAT FIRST
A boy asked a beautiful girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"? The girl Answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!! All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed. After minutes the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed,right? The guy responded with a loud voice :$300 for one night That's too much!! and all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and say, "You're next". They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Yesterday at a resturant....
A beautiful young girl came towards me and said, "Are you single?"
I happily said, "Yes"
.
.
Then she took an extra chair from my table for her boyfriend
Me :- Mom am I pretty?
Mom :- I don't know ask your gf
Me :- But I don't have a gf
Mom :- Then you have your
answer.
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. the driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine,turn it off again and said "We reached your destination" The first guy gave him money,the second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too,while the third guy slapped the taxi driver,the driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did,the driver asked "What was that for?" the third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us!!"
A POLITICIAN visited a village and asked what their needs were.
”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager.
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.”
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
“Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.”
A kid went to his father and asked,
"Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this nice girl"
Father: "That's great son. Who is it?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise me not to tell your mom Sandra is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on, a couple of months later...
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is it?"
Son: "It's Angela, The other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your" sister.
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
"Mom I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whomever you want. He isn't your father"
I think my girl is faithful.
She has no male contact on her phone.
Even my name is saved as Anjali.
She is so intelligent too, I used my best friend's phone to call her and she already knew that it was me, she picked and immediately said "hi sweetie"
The son asked, "Dad, is our house haunted?"
"I dont know son." His dad replied
"But the maid said that the house isn't haunted?"
The dad panicked, "Run son, we don't have a maid."
A family eating together
Son: "Dad, I saw Mom and Uncle on your bedroom yesterday."
Mom:"Silly child, where did you learn how to lie?"
Dad:"Honey stop. Tell me son, what are they doing in our bedroom?"
Son:" Dad, I saw uncle lie on the bed then mom goes on top of him, the same thing that our maid did to you last night!"
Dad:"Your mom is right, where did you learn to tell such lies, go back to room right now."
Father : come back my son i bought a car for u
Mother : come back my son i cooked a food that u like
Sister : don't come back brother they saw ur pack of cigarettes
The police interviewed a child:
Police: Where do you live?
Child: At my house
Police: Where are your parents?
Child: They live with me in my house
Police: Where is your house?
Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Child: You wont believe it.
Police: WHERE??
Child: Next to my house.
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