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Even After my Last breath.. || My 2nd Poem ||
- Thread starter TΞΞNSTAR™
- Start date
happa..kolla love ekath ekka wenas wechca hati......nice poem machan....and she is so lucky she got a BF like u....keep it up machan
sweet
malli...waradi hoyanwa newei harida?
i reeli appreciate ur tru feelns n da braveness to ryt n i gez cmments lyk myn wud only encurage u to ryt mor n mor n not discurage u...rytt?
so here goes bro..
1st f all tz reel sensitive n cute...way to go...
evry1 can cmment n da bryt syd nuh..
so i'l point out sm mistakes k? not big ones...jz lil stf dt u can improve n go on to be a perfect writer...
1st machan.. wen u say LOVE u cant put DO.. love goes wit DOES...
so t shud b LOVE DOES MAKE CHANGES.
in da 4th stanza"s last 2 words...OF wrd is missn... coz OF u ... it shud be ryt bro?
5th stanza dun make any senz ..duz it bro? luv is awesum but loving u makes it perfect...??
wt f u say... luv is awesum but luving u mks it amazing or smthn?
cz da 2 wrds AWESUM n PERFECT dun av a cnnection btween 'em..
so u cant put a comparission btween 'em..
try sm wrds dat av comparissions lyk... GUD- PERFECT
AWESUM-AMAZING n etc
and finally bro... u went lyk... "LIKE DIS LIKE DIS" in all line endings but skippd dat pattern in 4th stanza's 3rd line nh? try to keep up wit da pattern... t adds so mch colour to da poem..
nywy...am not a big poet or a big critic or nthn... jz wrote dis to appreciate ur try n make u n thnkn dat dis wud help u to perfectize ur rytn nd a future..
ALL DA BEST MAN!
keep it up!
i reeli appreciate ur tru feelns n da braveness to ryt n i gez cmments lyk myn wud only encurage u to ryt mor n mor n not discurage u...rytt?
so here goes bro..
1st f all tz reel sensitive n cute...way to go...
evry1 can cmment n da bryt syd nuh..
so i'l point out sm mistakes k? not big ones...jz lil stf dt u can improve n go on to be a perfect writer...
1st machan.. wen u say LOVE u cant put DO.. love goes wit DOES...
so t shud b LOVE DOES MAKE CHANGES.
in da 4th stanza"s last 2 words...OF wrd is missn... coz OF u ... it shud be ryt bro?
5th stanza dun make any senz ..duz it bro? luv is awesum but loving u makes it perfect...??
wt f u say... luv is awesum but luving u mks it amazing or smthn?
cz da 2 wrds AWESUM n PERFECT dun av a cnnection btween 'em..
so u cant put a comparission btween 'em..
try sm wrds dat av comparissions lyk... GUD- PERFECT
AWESUM-AMAZING n etc
and finally bro... u went lyk... "LIKE DIS LIKE DIS" in all line endings but skippd dat pattern in 4th stanza's 3rd line nh? try to keep up wit da pattern... t adds so mch colour to da poem..
nywy...am not a big poet or a big critic or nthn... jz wrote dis to appreciate ur try n make u n thnkn dat dis wud help u to perfectize ur rytn nd a future..
ALL DA BEST MAN!
keep it up!
ohhhhhhh man! Teeeeeeen!!! seriusly its awsM!!!!! really grt!!!
Simple n sweeeeeeeeeet!!!!
Keeep it uP!
and she mst be overjoyd to c diz i gezz!!!
Long last yo relationship!
Simple n sweeeeeeeeeet!!!!
Keeep it uP!
and she mst be overjoyd to c diz i gezz!!!
Long last yo relationship!
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