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Even After my Last breath.. || My 2nd Poem ||

TΞΞNSTAR™

TΞΞNSTAR™

Member
Mar 19, 2008
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StuCk In My AnGelZ HeArT!!!
CoolCartoon said:
happa..kolla love ekath ekka wenas wechca hati......nice poem machan....and she is so lucky she got a BF like u....keep it up machan
Click to expand...

Ahhhhh hehehe.. tnx machnz... im damn lucky to have her as my gal bang.. she is WOW....... im nt talkin abt her looks... but... her gud qualities... WOW bang..

tnx again!! :D
 
eranga_m

eranga_m

Well-known member
  • Sep 16, 2007
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    Here goes our butter kolla's 2nd poem !! OMG pissu kora ah ! Nice one :)

    Waiting for the 3rd :D

    mage 1st line eka sara wadida manda :rolleyes:
     
    Last edited:
    TΞΞNSTAR™

    TΞΞNSTAR™

    Member
    Mar 19, 2008
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    StuCk In My AnGelZ HeArT!!!
    Nash' said:
    malli...waradi hoyanwa newei harida?
    i reeli appreciate ur tru feelns n da braveness to ryt n i gez cmments lyk myn wud only encurage u to ryt mor n mor n not discurage u...rytt?

    so here goes bro..
    1st f all tz reel sensitive n cute...way to go...

    evry1 can cmment n da bryt syd nuh..
    so i'l point out sm mistakes k? not big ones...jz lil stf dt u can improve n go on to be a perfect writer... ;)

    1st machan.. wen u say LOVE u cant put DO.. love goes wit DOES...
    so t shud b LOVE DOES MAKE CHANGES.

    in da 4th stanza"s last 2 words...OF wrd is missn... coz OF u ... it shud be ryt bro?

    5th stanza dun make any senz ..duz it bro? luv is awesum but loving u makes it perfect...??
    wt f u say... luv is awesum but luving u mks it amazing or smthn?
    cz da 2 wrds AWESUM n PERFECT dun av a cnnection btween 'em..
    so u cant put a comparission btween 'em..
    try sm wrds dat av comparissions lyk... GUD- PERFECT
    AWESUM-AMAZING n etc

    and finally bro... u went lyk... "LIKE DIS LIKE DIS" in all line endings but skippd dat pattern in 4th stanza's 3rd line nh? try to keep up wit da pattern... t adds so mch colour to da poem..

    nywy...am not a big poet or a big critic or nthn... jz wrote dis to appreciate ur try n make u n thnkn dat dis wud help u to perfectize ur rytn nd a future..

    ALL DA BEST MAN!
    keep it up!
    Click to expand...


    Hafffaa... 1st off All... TNX A LOT AYYA ALOT...

    Really appriciate it.. never thought of thse stuff.. really dats sooo kind of u to point out thse mistakes.. ill try my level best to make it witout mistakes ayya... tnx a lot a lot...... :D:D:D:D:D

    Wish to see you posting in EK .....
     
    TΞΞNSTAR™

    TΞΞNSTAR™

    Member
    Mar 19, 2008
    15,866
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    StuCk In My AnGelZ HeArT!!!
    ||~R_girl~|| said:
    ohhhhhhh man! Teeeeeeen!!! seriusly its awsM!!!!! really grt!!!
    Simple n sweeeeeeeeeet!!!!
    Keeep it uP!
    and she mst be overjoyd to c diz i gezz!!!
    Long last yo relationship!
    ;)
    Click to expand...


    Ahhhh Gothicoooo hehehehe.. tnx a lotttttt.....

    yeaah she waz daamn happy.. dats d only thing i expect from her... hehehehee...

    Tnx Agaaain!!
     
    eranga_m

    eranga_m

    Well-known member
  • Sep 16, 2007
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    TΞΞNSTAR™ said:

    Ah 1st line eka da.. hehe shape shape ney.. den ithin edit karannath bariyoo...

    tnx a lot bro.. ah 3rd one.. ehhehee poddak kal yai!!
    Click to expand...

    I mean my 1st line :rofl:

    Awlak na ehenam. Mrs TEENSTAR butter cn eka dana gaththoth onna api nam na. :rolleyes: jk
     
    eranga_m

    eranga_m

    Well-known member
  • Sep 16, 2007
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    TΞΞNSTAR™ said:
    nikan hitahan... umbalage maha eka rata yanawa ney.. hurraaayyy !!!!!hehehee (Mr. N_N)
    Click to expand...

    hehe eka royalist kenek giyata thawa ekkenek methana innawoo ;)

    api nam mukuth danne natho :P :P
     

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