Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven.
She meets St. Peter at
the Gates,
and notices thousands of clocks.
"What are all these clocks for?" she asks
St. Peter. "Each person has one,
" he replied. "They start at midnight, and
every time someone tells a lie,
it moves ahead one minute. This one is
Mother Teresa's. She never lied,
so it never moved. This one is George
Washington's. He told only two,
so it is at two minutes past midnight."
Hillary looks around and asks,
"So, where is Bill's clock?" "Oh ,"St. Peter
chuckled, "Jesus has that one in his office.
He's using it as a
ceiling
fan."
==== 2 =====
Hilary is not feeling well.
She goes to her doctor and gets a complete
physical, only to find out that she is pregnant.
She is furious and can't
believe this has happened.
She calls the White House and gets Bill on the
phone, and immediately begins to
berate him, screaming:
"How could you have
let this happen? With all of the
trouble
going on right now, you go and get
me pregnant!!! How could you?!
I just found out I am pregnant
and
it is your fault! How could you??? What
have you got to say???"
There is nothing but silence on the
phone.
She screams again: "CAN YOU HEAR
ME???
Bill's quiet voice comes on in a barely
audible whisper..."Who is this?"
======== 3 =========
The wives of four presidents
and
prime minister are talking together about
how a penis is called in their language.
The wife of Tony Blair says in
England people call it a gentleman,
because it stands up when women are
entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia
you call it a patriot, because you
never know if it will hit you on
the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France
you call it a curtain, because it goes
down after the act.
Well, the wife of Clinton says in
the USA you call it a rumor, because it
goes from mouth to mouth
======= 4 =========
Bill and Monica are in the Whitehouse
when Bill invites Monica into the Oval
office because he wants to show
her a clock. While in the office
Clinton
pulls down his pants and whips out his unit.
Monica gasps, Mr. Clinton
that's
not a clock, it's a cock!
Bill replies, well Monica if you put 2
hands and a face on it, it's a clock
==== 5 ==========
Jerry Falwell was seated next to
President Clinton on a recent flight. After
the plane was airborne, the flight
attendant came around for drink orders.
The
President asked for a whisky
& soda, which was brought and placed
before
him.
The attendant then asked
the
minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust,
"Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a
brazen whore, than let
liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink
back to the attendant and said, "I'm
sorry, I didn't know there was a choice.
========= 6 =========
One Sunday morning, Chelsea
burst
into the living quarters at the
White
House and said, "Mom & Dad,
I have some great news for you.
I am getting
married to the greatest hunk in
Washington! He lives in Georgetown
and his
name is
Matt."
After dinner, the President took
Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with
you. Your Mother and
I have been married a long time.
She's a wonderful wife but
she's never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I have fooled around
with other women a lot. Matt is actually
your half-brother, and I'm afraid
you can't marry him." Chelsea was
heartbroken, but after eight months
she eventually started dating again.
A year later she came home and
very proudly announced,
"Robert asked me to
marry him! We're getting
married
in June." Again, her father insisted on
another private conversation and
broke the sad news. "Robert is your
half-brother too, Honey. I'm
wfully sorry about this." Chelsea became
furious upon hearing
what her Dad had to say.
She decided to go to her
Mother and tell her about his numerous
infidelities. After Chelsea told
her Mom everything, she concluded crying,
"Dad has done so much harm.
I guess I'm never going to get married. Every
time I fall in love, Dad tells
me the guy is my half-brother."
Hillary just shook her head and replied,
"Don't pay any attention to what he
says dear. He's not really your father."
MACHANZLA HONDAI KIALA HITHENAVANAM REP+ DEELAMA YANNA
She meets St. Peter at
the Gates,
and notices thousands of clocks.
"What are all these clocks for?" she asks
St. Peter. "Each person has one,
" he replied. "They start at midnight, and
every time someone tells a lie,
it moves ahead one minute. This one is
Mother Teresa's. She never lied,
so it never moved. This one is George
Washington's. He told only two,
so it is at two minutes past midnight."
Hillary looks around and asks,
"So, where is Bill's clock?" "Oh ,"St. Peter
chuckled, "Jesus has that one in his office.
He's using it as a
ceiling
fan."
==== 2 =====
Hilary is not feeling well.
She goes to her doctor and gets a complete
physical, only to find out that she is pregnant.
She is furious and can't
believe this has happened.
She calls the White House and gets Bill on the
phone, and immediately begins to
berate him, screaming:
"How could you have
let this happen? With all of the
trouble
going on right now, you go and get
me pregnant!!! How could you?!
I just found out I am pregnant
and
it is your fault! How could you??? What
have you got to say???"
There is nothing but silence on the
phone.
She screams again: "CAN YOU HEAR
ME???
Bill's quiet voice comes on in a barely
audible whisper..."Who is this?"
======== 3 =========
The wives of four presidents
and
prime minister are talking together about
how a penis is called in their language.
The wife of Tony Blair says in
England people call it a gentleman,
because it stands up when women are
entering.
The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia
you call it a patriot, because you
never know if it will hit you on
the front or on the back side.
The wife of Chirac says in France
you call it a curtain, because it goes
down after the act.
Well, the wife of Clinton says in
the USA you call it a rumor, because it
goes from mouth to mouth
======= 4 =========
Bill and Monica are in the Whitehouse
when Bill invites Monica into the Oval
office because he wants to show
her a clock. While in the office
Clinton
pulls down his pants and whips out his unit.
Monica gasps, Mr. Clinton
that's
not a clock, it's a cock!
Bill replies, well Monica if you put 2
hands and a face on it, it's a clock
==== 5 ==========
Jerry Falwell was seated next to
President Clinton on a recent flight. After
the plane was airborne, the flight
attendant came around for drink orders.
The
President asked for a whisky
& soda, which was brought and placed
before
him.
The attendant then asked
the
minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust,
"Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a
brazen whore, than let
liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink
back to the attendant and said, "I'm
sorry, I didn't know there was a choice.
========= 6 =========
One Sunday morning, Chelsea
burst
into the living quarters at the
White
House and said, "Mom & Dad,
I have some great news for you.
I am getting
married to the greatest hunk in
Washington! He lives in Georgetown
and his
name is
Matt."
After dinner, the President took
Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with
you. Your Mother and
I have been married a long time.
She's a wonderful wife but
she's never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I have fooled around
with other women a lot. Matt is actually
your half-brother, and I'm afraid
you can't marry him." Chelsea was
heartbroken, but after eight months
she eventually started dating again.
A year later she came home and
very proudly announced,
"Robert asked me to
marry him! We're getting
married
in June." Again, her father insisted on
another private conversation and
broke the sad news. "Robert is your
half-brother too, Honey. I'm
wfully sorry about this." Chelsea became
furious upon hearing
what her Dad had to say.
She decided to go to her
Mother and tell her about his numerous
infidelities. After Chelsea told
her Mom everything, she concluded crying,
"Dad has done so much harm.
I guess I'm never going to get married. Every
time I fall in love, Dad tells
me the guy is my half-brother."
Hillary just shook her head and replied,
"Don't pay any attention to what he
says dear. He's not really your father."
MACHANZLA HONDAI KIALA HITHENAVANAM REP+ DEELAMA YANNA
