747 Full of Lawyers
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
==================================================================
A Few Good Lawyers
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a
pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns
around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting
in
line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of
me,
do you?"
========================================================================
=
Buried Lawyers
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in
sand?
A: Not enough sand.
======================================================
Catfish and Lawyers
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other is just
a
fish
==============================================================
Deathbed Lawyer
Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died?
He was looking for loopholes
=================================================================
Engineering In Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty
soon,
the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and
starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got
air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a
pretty
popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air
conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer
is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he
should
never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are
YOU
going to get a lawyer?"
=====================================================================
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a
drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, "All lawyers are
assholes."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
He replies, "No, I'm an asshole."
Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
==================================================================
A Few Good Lawyers
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a
pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns
around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting
in
line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of
me,
do you?"
========================================================================
=
Buried Lawyers
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in
sand?
A: Not enough sand.
======================================================
Catfish and Lawyers
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other is just
a
fish
==============================================================
Deathbed Lawyer
Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died?
He was looking for loopholes
=================================================================
Engineering In Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty
soon,
the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and
starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got
air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a
pretty
popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So,
how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air
conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer
is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he
should
never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are
YOU
going to get a lawyer?"
=====================================================================
A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a
drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, "All lawyers are
assholes."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
He replies, "No, I'm an asshole."
