these are some dirty kinda jokes.
read them think a bit
Say how u enjoyed it.
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
She finally died after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, 'Lord, they're finally together.'
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, 'Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?'
The friend replied, 'I think he means her legs.'
-------------------------------------------------
In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the call of nature. He went to the edge of the field and started peeing. Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the "tip."
The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice. He went to the farmers house and put his penis in buttermilk. At that moment the farmers daughter came in. With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him.
"Have you never seen one of these before?" the farmhand asked.
To which the girl replied, "Yes, but this is the first time I see one being reloaded!
----------------
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
One woman stops a taxi.
- To the airport, please.
After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:
- You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
- Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
- Well, you haven’t arrived to the airport yet neither.
---------------------
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"[/FONT]
_____________________
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
-----------------
A very good magician has hypnotised an entire audience. He has them under his complete control and they are willing do whatever he tells them to do. Unfortunately, at the vital moment, he trips over the microphone cord,
lands on his ass and says "Shit!"
-----------------
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile.
"We don't even have an air conditioner."
----------------
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
--------------------------------------------
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
--------------------
Two friends:
- Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
- Of course! How many people are coming?
- Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
-----------------
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?[/FONT]
read them think a bit
Say how u enjoyed it. She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
She finally died after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, 'Lord, they're finally together.'
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, 'Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?'
The friend replied, 'I think he means her legs.'
-------------------------------------------------
In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the call of nature. He went to the edge of the field and started peeing. Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the "tip."
The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice. He went to the farmers house and put his penis in buttermilk. At that moment the farmers daughter came in. With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him.
"Have you never seen one of these before?" the farmhand asked.
To which the girl replied, "Yes, but this is the first time I see one being reloaded!
----------------
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
One woman stops a taxi.
- To the airport, please.
After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says:
- You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
- Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
- Well, you haven’t arrived to the airport yet neither.
---------------------
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"
[/FONT]
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
-----------------
A very good magician has hypnotised an entire audience. He has them under his complete control and they are willing do whatever he tells them to do. Unfortunately, at the vital moment, he trips over the microphone cord,
lands on his ass and says "Shit!"
-----------------
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile.
"We don't even have an air conditioner."
----------------
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
--------------------------------------------
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
--------------------
Two friends:
- Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
- Of course! How many people are coming?
- Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
-----------------
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?
[/FONT]
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