Penis Request
Dear Management,
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
01 - I do physical labor
02 - I work at great depths
03 - I plunge head first into everything I do
04 - I do not get weekends or public holidays off
05 - I work in a damp environment
06 - I don’t get paid overtime
07 - I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
08 - I work in high temperatures
09 - My work exposes me to contagious diseases
The Management Response
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
01 - You can not work 8 hours straight
02 - You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
03 - You do not always follow the orders of the management team
04 - You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations
05 - You do not take initiative — you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
06 - You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
07 - You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective gear
08 - You will retire well before you are 65
09 - You are unable to work double shifts
10 - You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task
11 - And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags
Sincerely,
The Management
Dear Management,
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
01 - I do physical labor
02 - I work at great depths
03 - I plunge head first into everything I do
04 - I do not get weekends or public holidays off
05 - I work in a damp environment
06 - I don’t get paid overtime
07 - I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
08 - I work in high temperatures
09 - My work exposes me to contagious diseases
The Management Response
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
01 - You can not work 8 hours straight
02 - You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
03 - You do not always follow the orders of the management team
04 - You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations
05 - You do not take initiative — you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
06 - You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
07 - You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective gear
08 - You will retire well before you are 65
09 - You are unable to work double shifts
10 - You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task
11 - And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags
Sincerely,
The Management
