Once Mervyn Silva was coming out of the airport. As there was a huge rush
the security guard told him "wait please" for which Mervyn replied "82
Kgs"
and moved on...
* * *
Mervyn Silva wanted to know the time difference between his native village
and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist Board and asked them
"Lamayoo..
could you tell me the time difference between here and Las Vegas...." The
lady at the other end replied "One second sir..." and Mervyn Silva
immediately replied "thank you" and put the phone down.
* * *
At a bar in New York, the man to Mervyn Silva's left tells the bartender,
"Johnie Walker single."
And the man's companion says, "Jack Daniels single."
The bartender approaches Mervyn and asks, "and you Sir?"
Mervyn replies: "Mervyn Silva, married."
* * *
Mervyn Silva decides to do paddy farming. Once he was among the herd of
buffaloes and while resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses
for a photo. Next day the photo appears in the front page of a newspaper.
Guess the caption: "Mervyn Silva, third from left!"
* * *
Mervyn Silva was hosting a Japanese delegation for business development
projects in the country. The Japanese emissary was quite impressed with the
country. He stated:
"Sri Lanka is an excellent country. Give us three years and we will turn
it
into an economic superpower like Japan." Mervyn Silva was very surprised.
"You Japanese are very inepicent," he stated. "Give me three days and I
will turn Japan into the next Sri Lanka!"
* * *
God decided to encourage people to have less children and introduced an
award scheme.
During the procedure at one point he concentrated on learning about the
situation in Sri Lanka:
He first met J.R.Jayewardene in heaven, and asked him how many children he
had during his time on earth. J.R. replied only one! Happy with the
relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded J.R. with a Mercedes
Benz!
R. Premadasa was next, and God asked the same question. He replied he had
two children, and the God thought this is not the best, so he gave
Premadasa a cheaper car, a Toyota.
S.W.R.D. Bandaranaike was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that
he
had three children, and gave him a Morris Eight as a kind of punishment.
Sometime later, the three (J.R, Preme and Banda) going around in their new
cars, saw D. S. Senanayake on foot!
Wondering what went wrong, they asked why God hadn't been merciful with
him. D.S. replied with anger, "God did not even ask me! Some idiot had
told
him that I was the father of the nation!"
* * *
Three dead bodies
Three dead bodies turned up at the morgue, all with very big smiles on
their faces.
The coroner called the police inspector, to show him what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to
his
mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body : Irishman , 25, won 10,000 pounds on the lottery, spent it
all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah", says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Sri Lankan
politician, 40, struck by lightning" "Why is he smiling then?" asks the
inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken"
the security guard told him "wait please" for which Mervyn replied "82
Kgs"
and moved on...
* * *
Mervyn Silva wanted to know the time difference between his native village
and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist Board and asked them
"Lamayoo..
could you tell me the time difference between here and Las Vegas...." The
lady at the other end replied "One second sir..." and Mervyn Silva
immediately replied "thank you" and put the phone down.
* * *
At a bar in New York, the man to Mervyn Silva's left tells the bartender,
"Johnie Walker single."
And the man's companion says, "Jack Daniels single."
The bartender approaches Mervyn and asks, "and you Sir?"
Mervyn replies: "Mervyn Silva, married."
* * *
Mervyn Silva decides to do paddy farming. Once he was among the herd of
buffaloes and while resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses
for a photo. Next day the photo appears in the front page of a newspaper.
Guess the caption: "Mervyn Silva, third from left!"
* * *
Mervyn Silva was hosting a Japanese delegation for business development
projects in the country. The Japanese emissary was quite impressed with the
country. He stated:
"Sri Lanka is an excellent country. Give us three years and we will turn
it
into an economic superpower like Japan." Mervyn Silva was very surprised.
"You Japanese are very inepicent," he stated. "Give me three days and I
will turn Japan into the next Sri Lanka!"
* * *
God decided to encourage people to have less children and introduced an
award scheme.
During the procedure at one point he concentrated on learning about the
situation in Sri Lanka:
He first met J.R.Jayewardene in heaven, and asked him how many children he
had during his time on earth. J.R. replied only one! Happy with the
relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded J.R. with a Mercedes
Benz!
R. Premadasa was next, and God asked the same question. He replied he had
two children, and the God thought this is not the best, so he gave
Premadasa a cheaper car, a Toyota.
S.W.R.D. Bandaranaike was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that
he
had three children, and gave him a Morris Eight as a kind of punishment.
Sometime later, the three (J.R, Preme and Banda) going around in their new
cars, saw D. S. Senanayake on foot!
Wondering what went wrong, they asked why God hadn't been merciful with
him. D.S. replied with anger, "God did not even ask me! Some idiot had
told
him that I was the father of the nation!"
* * *
Three dead bodies
Three dead bodies turned up at the morgue, all with very big smiles on
their faces.
The coroner called the police inspector, to show him what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to
his
mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body : Irishman , 25, won 10,000 pounds on the lottery, spent it
all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah", says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Sri Lankan
politician, 40, struck by lightning" "Why is he smiling then?" asks the
inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken"
