A guy dies while making love to his wife.
[FONT="]A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The undertaker does as he is told. [/FONT]
[FONT="]On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband [/FONT]
[FONT="]for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, [/FONT]
[FONT="]so she whispers in his ear, "It f***ing hurts doesn't it!"[/FONT]
---------------------------------------------------------------
Three men go on holiday abroad together.
[FONT="]The tourist office informs them that there [/FONT][FONT="]is only one hotel in town with vacancies. [/FONT]
[FONT="]The lads go along there, only to be told by [/FONT][FONT="]reception that there is just one available [/FONT][FONT="]room left in the hotel. [/FONT]
[FONT="]They are not keen, but as it is their only option, [/FONT][FONT="]they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. [/FONT]
[FONT="]In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I dreamt I had the best wank last night." [/FONT]
[FONT="]The guy on the left side says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!". [/FONT]
[FONT="]The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."[/FONT]
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A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious [FONT="]that his wife has the hump with him. [/FONT]
[FONT="]He asks what is the matter. [/FONT]
[FONT="]She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and [/FONT][FONT="]I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet he [/FONT][FONT="]tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually a name [/FONT][FONT="]of a horse that he bet on that day and won £40. [/FONT]
[FONT="]She seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to work. [/FONT]
[FONT="]When he got home that night, his wife had the hump with him again. [/FONT]
[FONT="]asking her what the matter was now, [/FONT]
[FONT="]she replied "Your horse phoned."[/FONT]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman starts dating a doctor.
[FONT="]Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. [/FONT]
[FONT="]About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, [/FONT][FONT="]a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. [/FONT]
[FONT="]The doctor says to the woman, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest,[/FONT]
[FONT="]I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
[/FONT]
[FONT="]"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. [/FONT]
[FONT="]After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". [/FONT]
[FONT="]"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". [/FONT]
[FONT="]"You gave birth to a child!". [/FONT]
[FONT="]"But that's impossible!" says the priest. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."[/FONT]
[FONT="]About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. [/FONT]
[FONT="]One day, he sits the boy down and says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."[/FONT]
[FONT="]The son says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"What do you mean, you're not my father?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The priest replies, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".
[/FONT]
[FONT="]A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The undertaker does as he is told. [/FONT]
[FONT="]On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband [/FONT]
[FONT="]for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, [/FONT]
[FONT="]so she whispers in his ear, "It f***ing hurts doesn't it!"[/FONT]
---------------------------------------------------------------
Three men go on holiday abroad together.
[FONT="]The tourist office informs them that there [/FONT][FONT="]is only one hotel in town with vacancies. [/FONT]
[FONT="]The lads go along there, only to be told by [/FONT][FONT="]reception that there is just one available [/FONT][FONT="]room left in the hotel. [/FONT]
[FONT="]They are not keen, but as it is their only option, [/FONT][FONT="]they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. [/FONT]
[FONT="]In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I dreamt I had the best wank last night." [/FONT]
[FONT="]The guy on the left side says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!". [/FONT]
[FONT="]The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."[/FONT]
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious [FONT="]that his wife has the hump with him. [/FONT]
[FONT="]He asks what is the matter. [/FONT]
[FONT="]She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and [/FONT][FONT="]I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet he [/FONT][FONT="]tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually a name [/FONT][FONT="]of a horse that he bet on that day and won £40. [/FONT]
[FONT="]She seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to work. [/FONT]
[FONT="]When he got home that night, his wife had the hump with him again. [/FONT]
[FONT="]asking her what the matter was now, [/FONT]
[FONT="]she replied "Your horse phoned."[/FONT]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman starts dating a doctor.
[FONT="]Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. [/FONT]
[FONT="]About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, [/FONT][FONT="]a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. [/FONT]
[FONT="]The doctor says to the woman, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest,[/FONT]
[FONT="]I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
[/FONT][FONT="]"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. [/FONT]
[FONT="]After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". [/FONT]
[FONT="]"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". [/FONT]
[FONT="]"You gave birth to a child!". [/FONT]
[FONT="]"But that's impossible!" says the priest. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."[/FONT]
[FONT="]About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. [/FONT]
[FONT="]One day, he sits the boy down and says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."[/FONT]
[FONT="]The son says, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"What do you mean, you're not my father?" [/FONT]
[FONT="]The priest replies, [/FONT]
[FONT="]"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".
[/FONT]
