Guys and Girls..
post ur best joke in here..
the ppl who viewing this thread will decide which one is good... k
post ur best joke in here..
the ppl who viewing this thread will decide which one is good... k
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ElaKiri Jokes Compitition
- Thread starter Lich
- Start date
credit card !!!!!
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by
bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my
life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and
continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor
groom.
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her
father and placed some thing in his hand.
Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by
bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him
to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my
life." Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and
continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor
groom.
How Was I Born?
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
Decomposing......
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously. "He's decomposing!"
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously. "He's decomposing!"
A Sons' Bad Dream!!!!
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. "Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. "Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."
Absent minded ………….?
An absent-minded professor got himself married to an Absent-minded librarian girl. One evening they were spending a quiet time at home when somebody knocked very loudly at their door.
“Oh heavens!” shrieked the wife,
“it must be my husband!”
And the absent-minded professor jumped through the window.
An absent-minded professor got himself married to an Absent-minded librarian girl. One evening they were spending a quiet time at home when somebody knocked very loudly at their door.
“Oh heavens!” shrieked the wife,
“it must be my husband!”
And the absent-minded professor jumped through the window.
Just Good Manners !!! 18+
Title:Good manners
A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'Michael
said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by
saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how
would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go
to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you,
little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good
manners?'Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I
hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...
Original Thread
Title:Good manners
A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'Michael
said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by
saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how
would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go
to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you,
little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good
manners?'Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I
hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...
Original Thread
Picture game
A teacher playing a game with first-grade class..The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked what animal is this?" "a cat!"said suzy."g00d job!"n0w wats this animal?"a dog" said ricky.."good! N0w what animal is this?She asked holding up a picture of a deer.The class fell silent..After a couple minutes,the teacher said"its what ur mom calls your dad."A HORNY BASTARD!"called out eddie..
A teacher playing a game with first-grade class..The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked what animal is this?" "a cat!"said suzy."g00d job!"n0w wats this animal?"a dog" said ricky.."good! N0w what animal is this?She asked holding up a picture of a deer.The class fell silent..After a couple minutes,the teacher said"its what ur mom calls your dad."A HORNY BASTARD!"called out eddie..
