ElaKiri Jokes Compitition

[darshanarc]

maru joke tika "File Not found"

 

[Hit-man]

W0men giving birth in hospital(18+)

A w0men is in the hospital giving birth an she is up on the stirrups.All 0f a sudden,the babys head pops out an look up at the nurse. "are u my daddy?" asks the baby head.Shocked,the nurse replies concerned "uh im n0t ur dad,i'll run an go get to him!"with this,the babys head turned to the doctor an asks "are you my daddy?" "my goodness n0!"But the nurse is g0ing to get him,he will be here any minute."finally the father c0mes in to the room and the baby see him an says"are you my daddy?"t0 which the shocked father gose up clouse to the babys head an says "yes s0n, im ur father"the baby pull his hand out and pokes the father in the head and says "WELL THEN....ST0P P0KING ME IN THE HEAD"!

 

[Hit-man]

M0bile is like a women

A m0bile is like a women-talks non-stop, c0st a fortune,disturbs when ur busy an when u need it urgently,there is n0 service!

 

[Hit-man]

Sexy p0em

Sex is when a guy's communication enters a girls information to increase the population for a younger generation. do u get the information?Or do u need a dem0nstration?

 

[sirajstc]

haha

 

[snoop_ug]

ANIT WEB SITE VALA EVA COPY NOKARA TAMANGEMA EKAK HADALA DANAVANANN TAMAI HODA

 

[Hit-man]

Wats the difference between ooh an aah?(100 p0st aka hehe)

Que:Wats the difference between ooh an aah?Ans:about three inches

 

[ndnk]

Title:Good manners
A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'Michael
said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by
saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how
would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go
to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you,
little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good
manners?'Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for
a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I
hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher fainted...

Original Thread

hiki hiki

 

[Pentagram]

When there is no Joke dats also a joke

meka danna ewa!

 

[Pentagram]

mage aasama JOKE eka!

 

[gayan kalhara]

• The SLP (Sri Lankan Police), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to

prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President
decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and
each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest.

They

question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of

extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest,

killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no

apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The SLP goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten

bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'

bye bye

I Posted this before... But Thnx a lot for Reposting.

 

[thilangr8]

There once was five year old boy who enjoyed playing with his
train set. One afternoon, his mother happened to be standing by the
door listening to the boy play. She was shocked when she heard him
saying,

"All right, all of you son of a bitches who want to get on the train, get
on train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to get off the
train, get off the train. And all of you son of a bitches who want to
change seats, change seats now 'cause the trains getting ready to
leave. Whoo whooooo."

The mother was just devastated, so she scolded her son and said to him,

"Now son, I want to go upstairs and take your nap, and when you get up,
you can't play with your train set for two hours."

So the boy took his nap and didn't even mention his train set for
two hours. After the two hours were up, the boy asked his mom if he
could play with his train set again. She said yes, and asked him if he
understood why he was punished. He nodded his head yes, and off he
went. The mother stood by door to listen to what her son would say.
The boy sat down to his train set and calmly said,

"Whoo whoooooo. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get on the
train, get on the train. All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to
get off the train, get off the train. And all you sons of a bitches who
are pissed 'cause the train is two hours late, go talk to the bitch in
the kitchen.

 

[thilangr8]

Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:

Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Support: "What sort of trouble?"

Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",

Support: "Went away?"

Customer:"They disappeared."

Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer: "Nothing."

Support: "Nothing?"

Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Customer: "How do I tell?"

Support: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Customer: "What's a monitor?"

Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer: "I don't know."

Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer: ......"Yes, I think so."

Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer: ......"Yes, it is."

Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer: "No."

Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer: ......"Okay, here it is."

Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Customer: "I can't reach."

Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Customer: "No."

Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer:"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

Support: "Dark?

Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Customer:"I can't."

Support: "No? Why not?"

Customer: "Because there's a power outage."

Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Support: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

 

[adbroke]

Hot

Short and sweet one :

Girl to boy :

R U married ?

Boy reply :

Are you kidding ? don't find i'm alive...

 

[srihotpics]

fun thamai

 

[Ranhiru]

Anger Management​

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know -- take it out on
someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
could be so rude. I realized I had called the wrong number. I tracked down
Robin's correct number and called her. I had accidentally transposed the
last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to
call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and
hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my
desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar
with the Caller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some
guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for.. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for that
spot. The idiot ignored me I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window . .
so, I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole ( I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's
parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had
a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used
to be

So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen.."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black
Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...!"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay
lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

When I got there, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in
front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and the channel 13 news crew.

NOW, I feel better - This is "Anger Management" at its very best.

 

[Ranhiru]

TWELVE PRIESTS AND THE NAKED DANCER ​

​

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to ​

line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and ​

beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. ​

​

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that ​

anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ​

ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. ​

​

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. ​

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests ​

until she got to the final priest (Carlos). As she danced, his bell began ​

to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. ​

​

Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward, and bent over to pick it up. ​

Then, all the other bells started to ring............

 

[Ranhiru]

About That Appointment​

​

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

 

[tsrockz]

When there is no Joke dats also a joke

 

[senira]

KidsAreQuick
____________________________________


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O __________________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie.....always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
___________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie,do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

wadak na na this stuff is too common