blow j

Member
Jan 29, 2012
1,966
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0
Patta jokes.

Annoyin 8 year old son

Father : Son can u plz go buy me a soft drink
Son : Coke or Pepsi?
Father : Coke
Son : Diet or regular?
Father : Regular
Son : Bottle or can?
Father : Bottle
Son : 500ml or 1liter?
Father : Damit!!!! Just buy me water!!!!
Son : Natural or mineral?
Father : Mineral
Son : Hot or cold?
Father : Im gonna strike u with a broom u idiot
Son : Stick broom or soft broom?
Father : Stop this u little animal
Son : Cow or pig?
Father : Get the hell out of here u bastard!!!!
Son : Now or later?
Father : Now!!!!
Son : So u gonna throw me out or not?
Father : Im gonna kill u!!!!
Son : With a gun or knife?
Father : Im gonna shoot u little bastard!!!!
Son : In the head or stomach?
Father : You pest!!!!
Son : Cockroach or rat?
Father : Fuck you!!!!
Son : With a condom or flesh?
Father : (Faints)
Son : Are u dead or sleeping?


................................................................................................

Girl : why do you keep on following me ?

Boy : because you are so pretty and i think i am falling in love with you.

Girl : really?...... but you haven't met my friend yet. she is more prettier than me and she is right behind you
(the guy looking behind him but found no one)

Boy : are you making fun of me ?
there is no one behind me..

Girl : no, but if u really love me, u won't look back.


because love never happens with the beauty of face. but with the beauty of hearts....

.....................................................................................................

Boyfriend: I’m coming to see you honey.

Grilfriend: Alright baby.

Boyfriend: I love you, I can’t wait to see you…I’m getting ready to leavenow.

Grilfriend: Okay but honey, I’m on my period, just letting you know incase.

Boyfriend: My car just broke down, I can’t come and see you.

Grilfriend: Get your friend to bring you,like he always does.

Boyfriend: He got shot by armed robbers so I can’t come, I’m sorry.

Grilfriend: Oh never mind, I’m not on my period.

Boyfriend: My friend has just been discharged from hospital and he has said he’s okay, he’s fine and he will take me now. I’m coming sweetheart.

Grilfriend: sh*t! I’m really on my period, just did not notice.

Boyfriend: Damn! He has been shot again. I can’t come!!!!


........................................................................................................

Reason why you should never visit a 5 star Hotel.

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee ?"
Answer : "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer : "white"
Question : "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer : "With milk "
Question : "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer : "With cow milk please.
Question : " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow ?"
Answer : " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey ?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer : "Cane sugar "
Question : " White, brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer : "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question : "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer : "I'll rather die of thirst" byee






තව සෙට් උනාම දාන්නම්.Page 2 ඒකෙත් ඇති.
 
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blow j

Member
Jan 29, 2012
1,966
396
0
Girls will be girls.

Girlfriend giving house directions to her Boyfriend:

"come to the front gate of my apartment where you dropped me,
look for flat 9A,

you'll find a lift on your right.

Then, hit 9 with ur ELBOW...

And get out of the lift you'll find my flat on left.

hit the doorbell with your ELBOW & I'll get to open the door for you"

Boy Friend : dear that seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my ELBOWS only?

Girl Friend : "OMG!! Are you coming empty handed ???" O_O

Boy Friend: (speechless)


............................................................................................................

A guy saw a plane full of
politicians that crashed
near his farm When the Police
arrived they asked


Police - what happened ?

Guy - They crashed on my farm
and I buried them.

Police - Are you sure that they
were all dead before you buried
them? .

Guy - Yes but some of them
were saying We are still alive!!!
But I didn't believe them one bit...

YOU KNOW HOW OUR POLITICIANS LIE!!!
Don't you???


.......................................................................................................

An angry wife to her husband on phone.

Wife: Where the hell are you ?
Husband: Honey, you remember that gold shop where you saw the diamond necklace & totally fell in love with it ?
Wife (relaxed) : Yes, my dear!
Husband: Remember I had no cash to buy it for you that day and I said I will buy it for you one day ?
Wife (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush) : Yes I remember my love!
Husband: Good, I am in a beer parlour next to that shop!


........................................................................................................

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.


The cop says to the kid,Nice bike you got there. Did santa bring that to you?" the kid says,"Yeah."

The cop says,"Well,next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike.

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safty violation ticket. the kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, thats a nice horse you got there. Did santa bring that to you?" Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah,he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the d*ck underneath the horse, instead of on top."
 
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blow j

Member
Jan 29, 2012
1,966
396
0
Daughter Returns Home After 30 Years.

Dad(angry): "Where the hell have you been all these years???"

Girl: "I was working as a Prostitute in the Abuja.

Dad: "What!!?..... Get out of my house,You Whore, I don't want to see a your face Again do you understand!!!!!!????

Girl(crying): "Before I go Dad, I came to give you $10million cheque, and here is $2 million for my brother. I have bought a big house in UK for you with everything in it including a Ferarri and a Bugati, bye Dad"

Dad: "What kind of work you said you were doing??"

Girl (crying out loud): "A Prostitute Dad!!!"

Dad: "Come and give Daddy a hug", I thought you said you were a "prosecutor" !!!


.......................................................................................................

A guy was trying to avoid paying doctor's fee after an Eyes operation,
So he says, "doctor, I still can't see"

The doctor then asks a sexy young and beautiful nurse to undress in front of him.
Guy then says "I can't see!"

Doctor tells nurse to open her legs Again

Guy says "doctor I can't see still."

The doctor answered "You are stupid, if you can't see, HOW COME YOU ARE HAVING AN ERECTION ?(lol ඌට නැගලා.)

Nurse, prepare his bill please!"



........................................................................................................

A woman & her son were riding in a taxi.
All the prostitutes were standing at a bus stop.
Boy : Mom, what are these women doing here ?
Mom : They are waiting for their husband.
Taxi driver : Why don't you tell him the truth, that they are hookers & have sex with men for money.
Boy : Is that true Mom ?
Mom : (Glaring hard at the driver) says, YES.
Kid asks : Mom, what happens to the babies these women have ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mom : They become taxi drivers...!!



.......................................................................................................

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again.
Santa replies, “I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
 
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