How to be like Zakir Naik!

Rifqa

Member
Apr 11, 2010
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As Zakir's arrival in Sri Lanka is getting closer and closer, it is clear that many of our Muslim brothers are dreaming to be like Zakir Naik.

well, in fact, preaching islam(just like Zakir is doing) is a lucrative business amidst the inflation in South Asian countries.

This guide is for you if you are thinking about being like Zakir Naik..there are few easy steps to follow...





Step-1

You should have good English speaking skills. Because South Asian Muslims can easily get impressed by uttering English words even though if what you are speaking is the bullshit.

Remember that Muslims don’t listen to what you are saying. They only observe how you are saying it. So, use the aggressive style. Speak fluently. Use modern words and catchy examples.

Step-2

You should be a good crammer. For this, I would recommend some Pakistani Madrassa, So that you can learn all the stuff by heart.

Step-3

Always wear tight pent shirt with tie to attract the young generation which is fed up with old Mullahs.

For example, consider the following picture,


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Use new technology to spread old lies. Use video camera though it is haram in islam, but for this business, you can do ‘ijtihad’.

Step-4

After your business gets some momentum, involve your whole family in it. Make your brother/son as speaker, your wife as head of sister wing etc.
So that you can multiply your profits. Hire any auditorium and sell the tickets without any concession for poor believers.

Step-5

Initially, the price of your CD should be affordable. You should give discount to increase the demand on your CD. You can often arrange a “Peace Conference” or any other type of gathering to sell your books and cassettes.

PS:- Get your stuff translated into Arabic because Arabs are some of the most rich of your customers.

Step-6

Speak according to the taste of people. Speak on the "hot topics" like 9/11, terrorism and jihad to get some bandwidth on net and air time on TV Channels.

Step-7

In the start of your carrier, it is better justify stoning apostates, pedophilia etc.

Step-8

To compete with the other people in the preaching industry, challenge openly some of the famous anti Islamic personalities of the time. But be aware of FFI (faith Freedom International). Never try to debate them. This may cause severe kicks to your carrier.

Step-9

No need to be worried about the debates, you have a universal answer "Oh brother you are speaking out of context".

Mold the verse in your way. And produce a miracle in the blunder.

Step-10 (Important)

No matter whether you won or not. Never forget to announce your victory at the end of the debate.

Step-11

Debate only with those who can make you popular.

Step-12

Invite soft people from the other faiths and talk to them. Never debate with the harsh people like Richard Dawkins, Ali Sina,.. etc. This type of people can cause trouble to your business.

Step-13

Remember now that you are a part of show-biz. So, show some attitude.

Develop a website, a facebook fan page and post some praising comments on your website to get more popularity.
You can hire people to do so making your own “research Foundation”.

Step-14

No need to get Islamic knowledge. Use universal answer "out of context".

Step-15

Make some trips to Arab countries to get some dollars to start you first ‘Islamic’ TV channel.

Step-16

Now run the remix version of old Ahmad Deedat apologetics on your TV channels. Make the programmers' titles like "dare to ask", "peace missile" and "Islamic grenade",... etc.

Step-17

Introduce new products in the Market like "Islamic education system"... etc, to get more money from the rich Islamic families.

Final Step

Now your business is stable. So, no need for any anti Islamic debates,... etc. Just tour the Islamic lands and tell them the old spoken stories to earn more money. If you are tired, you can hire people to speak instead of you.


Doing an Islamic preaching business like Zakir Naik is the best way to earn money for our Muslim brothers.

Therefore, I will suggest to the doctors and engineers of Muslim Ummah to invest in this business and earn a lot of money and popularity. Inshallah!!