[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Dear STAFF,[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
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[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]1) TRANSPORTATION:[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]
[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]A) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]B) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]
[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]C) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
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[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]2) ANNUAL LEAVE :[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! Said 1 employee).[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]- They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
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[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]3) LUNCH BREAK:[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]A) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]B) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]C) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
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[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]4) SICK DAYS:[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]5) SURGERY :[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
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[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]6) INTERNET USAGE :[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Will be deducted from your salary.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else.[/FONT][FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]Best Regards,[/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,sans-serif]HRD[/FONT]
