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Going to Heaven
Going to Heaven
__________________
One day, three men died and went to hell. Satan was there and the three guys asked to be sent to heaven. However Satan said that only the good people can go to heaven...so he let them give him a question each. If Satan can answer their questions correctly, the person will stay in Hell; but if Satan didnt answer it correctly the person can go to Heaven.
So the first person tries. He was a Mathematician, and he gave Satan a very tough maths formula. But Satan solved it in no time. So the mathematician goes to Hell...
The second person, who happens to be a scientist, gave it a try. He asked Satan to prove a very difficult Science question involving quantum theory and Newton's law and watever sh*t in between. Once again Satan managed to answer correctly, so the man goes to Hell...*haiz*..*sad*...
The last guy goes forward. He was a ~censored~, so Satan laughed at him. Nontheless, he asked to be given a chair and an electric drill, and he was given those things. So he drilled five identical holes in a circle in the middle of the chair, sat on the chair and farted.
He asked Satan, "Which hole did I fart through?"
Satan examined the chair and measured the diameter of every hole. He turned the chair in everyway possible. Finally he said exasperated, "this hole", pointing to the fifth hole.
"Wrong!!...haha..i farted through my A55HOLE!!!.... I go to Heaven!!!".....
Going to Heaven
__________________
One day, three men died and went to hell. Satan was there and the three guys asked to be sent to heaven. However Satan said that only the good people can go to heaven...so he let them give him a question each. If Satan can answer their questions correctly, the person will stay in Hell; but if Satan didnt answer it correctly the person can go to Heaven.
So the first person tries. He was a Mathematician, and he gave Satan a very tough maths formula. But Satan solved it in no time. So the mathematician goes to Hell...
The second person, who happens to be a scientist, gave it a try. He asked Satan to prove a very difficult Science question involving quantum theory and Newton's law and watever sh*t in between. Once again Satan managed to answer correctly, so the man goes to Hell...*haiz*..*sad*...
The last guy goes forward. He was a ~censored~, so Satan laughed at him. Nontheless, he asked to be given a chair and an electric drill, and he was given those things. So he drilled five identical holes in a circle in the middle of the chair, sat on the chair and farted.
He asked Satan, "Which hole did I fart through?"
Satan examined the chair and measured the diameter of every hole. He turned the chair in everyway possible. Finally he said exasperated, "this hole", pointing to the fifth hole.
"Wrong!!...haha..i farted through my A55HOLE!!!.... I go to Heaven!!!".....
Be Strong!
_________
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
_________
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
Farmhouse
_________
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said, "No... the bees never touched me - but doesn't that calf have a mother!?!"
_________
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said, "No... the bees never touched me - but doesn't that calf have a mother!?!"
Stutter?
________
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem.
After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.
Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying
problem of stuttering.
Patient: 'Ddddd octttor . Whhaaat cccan I dddo?'
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by
removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem.
The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be
worth it.
The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.
Patient: 'Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches'.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says:
'I dddoonnnt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble'...
________
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem.
After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.
Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying
problem of stuttering.
Patient: 'Ddddd octttor . Whhaaat cccan I dddo?'
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by
removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem.
The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be
worth it.
The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up.
Patient: 'Doctor, the operation was a success. I have not stuttered since the operation. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches'.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says:
'I dddoonnnt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble'...
Conversation
____________
Two strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane.
One guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"
The first guy says, "Oh, I don't know; how about nuclear power?"
The other guy says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first:
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets, the cow, big patties, and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"
The first guy says, "I don't know."
The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know sh!t?"
____________
Two strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane.
One guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"
The first guy says, "Oh, I don't know; how about nuclear power?"
The other guy says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first:
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets, the cow, big patties, and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"
The first guy says, "I don't know."
The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know sh!t?"
keep it up
one day a guy was walking along the beach and sow a girl was tapping on her brother's butt who was having a sun bath and naked!
being unable to understand what is going on he ask the girl "what are you doing?"
the girl also having no idea what she was doing , jest randomly answered, I am playing the THUBLA!
Then the boy ask can you play the FLUTE?
being unable to understand what is going on he ask the girl "what are you doing?"
the girl also having no idea what she was doing , jest randomly answered, I am playing the THUBLA!
Then the boy ask can you play the FLUTE?
niyamai broBe Strong!
_________
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
_________
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.
This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
