▀▄▀Jokes ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶Jokes٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶Jokes▀▄▀

[suranga84]

මූලික සුදුසුකම්

ටින් මාළු ඇසිරීමේ කර්මාන්ත ශාලාවකට සේවකයන් බඳවා ගැනීම සඳහා සම්මුඛ පරීක්ෂණයක් පැවැත්විණ.
සම්මුඛ පරීක්ෂණයේදී එක් අයදුම්කරුවකු ඇමතූ කර්මාන්ත ශාලාවේ ප්‍රධානියා මෙසේ ඇසීය.

‘ටින් මාළු ඇසිරීමේ කර්මාන්ත ශාලාවකට සේවයට බඳවා ගැනීමට තමාට තියෙන සුදුසුකම් මොනව ද?’
‘මම ප්‍රයිවට් බස් එකක කොන්දොස්තර කෙනෙක් විදියට අවුරුදු දහයක් වැඩ කරලා තියෙනවා.’ අයදුම්කරු ප්‍රකාශ කළේය.

 

[suranga84]

ගන්ඩ ඇවිත්

එක් ගොවියෙක් වහු පැටවකු මිලදී ගැනීම සඳහා ගියේ තම පුතා සමඟිනි.
වහු පැටවා වෙත කිට්ටු වූ ගොවියා ඌගේ හිසේ සිට වල්ගය දක්වා අතගා බැලීය. පිට, බඩ වැනි තැන් හෙමිහිට මිරිකුවේය.
කීප තැනකටම තට්ටු කළේය.
ළපැත්තට මුහුණ ළං කොට සිඹ බැලීය. අනතුරුව තම තියුණු පරීක්ෂණය දෙස දෑස් අයා බලා සිටි පුතු දෙස බලා මෙසේ කීය.

‘පුතේ, සල්ලි දීලා යමක් ගන්ඩ කලින් හොඳට හොයලා බලලා ගන්ඩ ඕනැ.’
ඊට දින කීපයකට පසු ඔහු කුඹුරේ වැඩ කරමින් සිටියදී පුංචි පුතා හති දමමින් ඔහු වෙත දිව ආවේය.
‘තාත්තෙ, තාත්තෙ, අන්න කවුද අයියා කෙනෙක් අපේ අක්කව සල්ලි දීලා ගන්ඩ ඇවිත්.’ පොඩි එකා හති දමමින් කීවේය.

 

[suranga84]

 

[shiran987]

gindara thread ekak....

mula idala agatama kiyewwa,,,, hina wela pana yanawa bung.............

rep added

 

[Kasun.D]

හැන්දෑවෙ 5ට විතර ෂොපින් ගියපු නැන්දම්ම පුතා ගෙදර ඇවිත් ඇති කියල හිතාගෙන යන ගමන් පුතාගෙ ගෙදර පැත්තට කාරෙක හැරෙව්වා.ඉතින් දොරේ බෙල් එක එහෙම ගහල පුරුදු විදියට දොර ඇරගෙන ඇතුලට යනකොට මෙන්න බොලේ ලේලි පොඩ්ඩ ඇඟේ නූල් පොටක් නැතුව දොර මුල්ලෙ


“ඇයි හත්තිලව්වෙ මොකක්ද මේ කරන්නේ?” නැන්දම්ම ඇහුව

“අ….අ…………අ…නේ…නෑ අම්මේ මම මේ අරය වැඩ ඉවර වෙලා ගෙදර එනකම් ඉන්නෙ….”

“හරි බන් මම දන්නව එත් මොකෝ මේ ඇගේ නූල් පොටක් නැතුව??”.නැන්දම්මා ආයෙත් ඇහුවා

“මේ මගේ ආදරේට අදින ඇදුම අම්මේ” ලේලි බයෙනුයිලැජ්ජාවෙනුයි ඇඹරි ඇඹරි හිමිහිට කිව්වලු

“ආදර ඇදුම?ඇයි යකො උඹ පොට්ට වෙලාද උඹ මේ උපන් ඇඳුමෙන්නෙ ඉන්නේ යොදියේ??????”

ප්‍රශ්න කෝටියයි“ඔව් අම්මෙ, එත් එයා කැමතී මම මේ ඇදුම ඇදන් ඉන්නවට…..” කියපු ලේලි පොඩ්ඩ,

“අනේ අම්මෙ මම මේ වැඩකාරිත් ගමේ යවල බොහෝම අමාරුවෙන් තමයි මේ ඇදුම ඇද ගත්තේ,තව ටිකකින් එයා ගෙදර එයි අම්මා තරහ නැතුව වෙන දවසක එනවද?” කියල ආයෙත් අමාරුවෙන් කියගත්තා.

.“අනේ උඹලගෙ මනමාලකම්, හා හා ඕන දෙයක් එහෙනම් මෙන්න මම ගියා” කියල නැන්දම්ම ගෙදර එන්න ආවලු

ගෙදර යන ගමන් දැන් ගෑනිගෙ කල්පනාවම තමන්ගෙ ලේලි පොඩ්ඩගෙ ආදර බර ඇදුම ගැනමලුගෙදර ගියාම ගෑනිටත් ගණ දෙවි නුවණ පහලවෙලා නාල කරල, ලග තියෙන සුවදම සෙන්ට් කුප්පිය අරන් ඇගේ හැමතැනටම ඉහගෙන,පවුඩර් තලියකුත් මුනෙ උලාගෙන දොර මුල්ලට වෙලා ලේලිගෙ ඇඳුම් ඇඳන් හිටියා තමන්ගෙ මනුස්සය එනකම්
ලේලිට පින් දිදී…

ඉතින් ඔහොම ඉන්නකොට ඔන්න වයසක මාමන්ඩියත් වැඩ ඉවර වෙල ගෙදර ඇවිත් ගෙට ඇතුල් වෙනකොටම,ගෑනි ඇඟේ නූල් පොටක් නැතුව මිනිහ ඉස්සරහට පැන්නලු

“හත්වලාමයි මොකෝ බන් හාමිනේ මේ රෙදි ගලෝගෙන?” මාමන්ඩිය අහපි

“අනේ මොනාද අනේ,මේ තමයි මගේ ආදර ඇදුම…”

ආයෙත් පාරක් තමන්ගෙ ගෑනි දිහා බලලා කින්ඩියට හිනාවක් දාල “ඉස්තිරික්ක කොරේ නැතෙයි??” කියපු මාමන්ඩිය හිමිහිට මාරු උනාලු…

+++

 

[Chinthaka_tc]

Maru katha tika.. He he.. Thanx ahh..

 

[tgv]

ela fun eka uparimai

 

[francesco totti]

maxaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

[Dolu]

lol

 

[sachii]

Marriage Proposal Punjabi English


ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA . RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)

Madam :

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely and easily.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in
for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my balls because they bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy and I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to
get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking cigarettes or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb bells in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and
take my things into your hands.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich,------------------
born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

 

[dinesh89]

Mmmmm

 

[~Archer~]

sachii ge ewa hariyata hina yanawa

 

[Mal Aiyya]

Marriage Proposal Punjabi English


ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA .RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)

Madam :

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely and easily.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in
for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my balls because they bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy and I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to
get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking cigarettes or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb bells in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and
take my things into your hands.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich,------------------
born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

 

[Inshaffadhil]

 

[DjSpK]

Marriage Proposal Punjabi English


ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA . RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)

Madam :

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely and easily. .....

 

[sachii]

BELIEVE it or not , These are REAL 911 Calls!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich . Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is……….

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police .

this one hilarious.. my favorite

 

[Inshaffadhil]

Amdon

Little Amdon was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

Teacher: "Amdon, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one, with your gun how many would be left?"

Amdon: "None," replied Amdon, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well the answer is four" said the teacher,
"but I like the way you are thinking."

Little Amdon says: "OK. Miss, I have a question for you now." "If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone , and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Well", said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No", said Little Amdon, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

 

[shehan12345]

ela machz thnx

 

[~v3n0m~]

Marriage Proposal Punjabi English


ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA .RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH (DON'T LAUGH; DEAD SERIOUS)

Madam :

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Lahore . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely and easily.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in
for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my balls because they bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am happy and I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to
get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking cigarettes or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb bells in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and
take my things into your hands.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich,------------------
born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

sucking cigarette is bad. never do that

 

[djnish]